Mission Mission

Things you can buy for $3:

• Jimmy Buffett’s greatest hits
• This zine
• A gallon of gas, and then some, sometime soon, maybe

Enticing options indeed, but none of these things will satisfy your stomach like two quick and dirty street-style tacos from Taqueria Vallarta. The 24th Street shop may be closed for pigeon debugging, but that hasn’t stopped the neighborhood establishment from opening a fresh new squab-free spot on Mission next to the 16th Street BART, and they’re slinging tasty $1.50 taco treats like nobody’s business.

The toppings are simple, straightforward, and to the point — all you get are two tortillas, a heap of meat, and all the cilantro, onions, and salsa you care to pile on top. Shown here are the al pastor and carnitas, but if you’re feeling adventurous go for the cabeza, lengua, or crispy deep fried tripitas — they’re all tasty as hell and worth a try.

Last night the Magic Curry Kart debuted its latest creation, the Thai basil burger – and it may be the best cross-cultural food mash-up since Zante’s Indian pizza. $5 a pop nets you a patty piled high with Thai basil, Sriracha mayo, mushrooms and deep-fried shallots – flavors that fuse to form a taste trifecta that ranges from spicy to sweet and savory.

Sound good? He’s setting up shop at Fabric8 at 22nd and Valencia RIGHT NOW so stop on by!

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As many a southern transplant knows, it’s damn near impossible to find a decent plate of rolled tacos in San Francisco. Primarily the provenance of SoCal surf shacks, those golden cylinders of high-octane awesome heaped high with cheese and guacamole are few and far between in The Mission’s culinary burritoscape.

For everyone who’s ever craved a clutch of fried taco glory, Taqueria el Buen Sabor has you covered. All of the essential components are there – crispy deep fried tacos inundated with a wanton mess of lechuga, crema, guacamole, and queso.

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Brainslip paints a sobering alternate history of a Mission under the influence of LA foodstuffs. Carne asada fries are a slippery slope, my friends:

First it started with the dreaded droopy carne asada fry invasion.

Then they took pizza. How could we lose pizza? Well, we did, to a cardboard tasting menace called Dominos, which began to infiltrate the Mission block by block from 30th to Division, Guerrero to Potrero. Heroes fell one after the other – Papa Potrero, Serrano, Cybelle, and perhaps remembered most fondly- Zante.

You can take my Indian pizza from my cold, dead hand.

Next up: tacos – soon deep fried was all they tried – Baja style. No more boiled chicken, shredded pork, sauteed fish, etc.

Scared?  You should be.  It gets worse:

After a year of sensory dullification we lost the only thing that mattered: burgers. In-N-Out opened at 20th @ Valencia. A bikes only drive-thru , how could we resist? Free air, free water, valet bike parking: all so delightful.

First they came for the pizza. And I didn’t speak up because there was too much bufala.

Then they came for the taquerias.  And I didn’t speak up because there was too much pollo asado.

Such SoCalized medicine flooded the streets. Everywhere were carts, huts, & shacks – all shaped in the like of their foodstuffs. A nonstop barrage of fried chicken, chili fries, and pastrami became too much for neighborhood morale. Defeated, they gave up what mattered most, and signed over the rights to their BART tube for conversion to a freeway tunnel.

Oh dear.  Food has consequences. The Great War of the Californias indeed.