Mission Mission

When it comes to your usual array of Dolores Park activity enthusiasts, you’ve got your hula-hoopers, your tightrope walkers, and the occasional acrobatic troupe which may or may not feature people walking on stilts.  And then you’ve got our pal Chris Kalani, who has a request for our readers:

Find me more people who can do this with me in the park.

As much as I would love to join him, there’s just no way I’d ever be able to attempt that unless a soccer ball was involved (and then I’d probably blow it anyway).  But there must be some of you out there!  I mean, we don’t want Portland to outdo the Mission!  C’mon, who’s up for some tricks in the park?

[Link]

Now here’s a set of pipes you can bring to the park without worrying about cops.

[photo by potential past]

Not a flattering week for Dolores Park. First it was covered in bile, next Crate and Barrel rebranded it as a designer cookware set. Gee, I personally like to think of public urination and casually buying drugs from a man with a wizard’s staff when I’m furnishing my luxury condo, don’t you? On top of that, people can’t seem to stop spelling it “Delores“.

Thankfully, satisticsandlies posted this stunning set of single line renderings of the park to cleanse your palate:

Isn’t nice to finally see a line in Dolores Park that doesn’t end in a port-o-potty?

Well, the first major Dolores Park renovation is done, and it just so happens to be the section of the park you’re probably too old to hang out in. This Saturday, check out the ribbon cutting event from 2-4pm.

True to Dolores Park form, there will be a performance with Shredder Hoops, a troupe of scantly-clad women demonstrating their flexibility with flaming hula hoops:

Live music will be provided courtesy of Orange Sherbert, a family-friendly band that writes rap songs about the benefits of eating locally-sourced sustainable seasonal vegetables (no I didn’t just make that up):

Oh, and there’s face painting, if you’re into that. I personally don’t care for it, after the unicorn-whose-head-looked-a-lot-like-a-dick incident of 1986.

[via Dolores Park Works]

Dolores Park Works reports that the playground renovations are 85% complete and it may open as soon as March. Planning is in progress for the opening party. I’m a little sad to see the Dolores Park pool go, but I think this will be a safer place for kiddos to observe adults engaging in casual drug use and public alcohol consumption.

The new Helen Diller Playground will feature a super slide, a natural climbing stone, and a “sound garden” (an anonymous donation from Chris Cornell?). It will also have designated areas for age groups 2-5 and 5-12. In fact, there will be a boat for younger kids, and a separate shipwrecked boat for the older ones–no doubt a metaphor for their soon-to-be broken hopes and dreams.

Agism? Maybe. I’ll never forget the first time I approached by a kid in a playground and told, “you’re too old to be playing here!” I was heartbroken, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it during the entire drive back to my apartment.

[photo and scoop via Dolores Park Works]

Oh so this is where all those acappella guys in college ended up:

A handful of Dolores park patrons anxiously awaiting their turn to use the generously-provided porta-potties situated at the 19th Street entrance were temporarily inconvenienced this past weekend when the cleaning crew stopped by at around 5pm to give the units a bath.  Some waiting in line were outraged that the cleaning would be scheduled at such an obvious high-usage time and that shouldn’t the city know better, but you know what?

I’m so happy that they clean those things every single day that I don’t give a shit (no pun intended) when they do it.  Personally, I’m still amazed that the porta-potties still sometimes smell springtime fresh whenever I enter, a fact that I commented on way back when they were installed.  If it means that a line full of entitled folks has to wait a little longer, so be it!  And seriously, the dude was only cleaning one of them at a time, which still left 5 others perfectly vacant.

Keep up the great bathroom cleaning work!

Previously:

Park porta potties pretty perfect

A touching moment occurred when these two DIY entrepreneurs crossed paths while in the midst of their rounds during one of the nicest weekends in the park EVER.  The gruff visage of Cold Beer melted away as soon as he noticed Warm Cookie Girl, replaced by an affable grin (and perhaps even a hint of blush–I think he may have a bit of a crush).  The two exchanged pleasantries for a moment before engaging in a friendly barter, with Cold Beer offering a nice cold one and Warm Cookie Girl reciprocating with a delectable morsel of her own.

They consummated their encounter with a friendly cheers (beer to cookie) before proceeding on their separate ways to satiate the needs of the Dolores Park masses.

Dolo Butt, n – a condition wherein the afflicted has a brownish stain on the seat of their pants from sitting on Dolores Park’s notoriously muddy grass. Ex: “You can tell Joan just came straight from the park. She’s got a mad case of Dolo Butt.”

[coined by Zach Morvant, epic cyclist]

How can YOU prevent dolo butt?  Well, for one, you can make like Vic and bring along a bunch of paper shopping bags for you and your pals to sit on.  What a nice guy!