Mission Mission

(Video form Memetic Field)

Went to Dolores Park today around 3:30 PM and happened upon a flash rave. I asked around and found out it was for a birthday party. A largely high school crowd with all the usuals in attendance: Hula-hoop man, Candy Kid, and the Goblin King of course.

At around 4:30 things took a perilous turn. The music silenced, and when the crowd finally stopped groaning we saw a number of paramedics marching up the 19th street entrance. Amidst the revelry a teenage girl had ODed, and was sprawled on her back across a blanket. Three paramedics set to work with a defibrillator and a stomach pump, and after 11 of the most gut-wrenching minutes I’ve had in an era, she came around. We last saw her loaded into the ambulance, which drove away North on Dolores. Who needs a drink?

Anyone else see anything?

From the HMS Beekeeper twitternets: “A 6 y/o girl and her 13 y/o brother just sold me their Dolores park ‘honey from the hood.’”

Damn, I wish I had been badass enough to milk bees when I was 6.

I feel like this could easily be an Onion story in which a “journalist” interviews an irate suburbanite about their exaggeratedly bad time at Dolores Park and subsequent Yelp review.  Only this is real life:

#1 – Dont buy baked goods from people here, or breathe the air in general if you work at a job where you are drug tested. I was so stoned I couldnt function correctly for days (Please See Review of Delano’s IGA).

#2 – Wild, muddy dog runs wild and drops tennis ball soaked in mud/vomit/hell on my bare legs. Steph throws ball away. Rabid great dane thinks this is fun. Runs to another blanket with a dog and recruits him to join terror spree. Three minutes later, a pack of dogs are running amuck, knocking over margaritas, stepping on the packages of boys in neon blue speedos, slobbering on small children who scream in terror. The owners watch, nonplussed. So much for leashes. Lesson: I now have a love of muzzles and a renewed disgust for all varieties of balls.

#3 – Man wearing American Airlines headphones props himself above my lady friends and I and politely smiles, yet begins to masturbate. He finishes after we squeal and laugh and point. He decides to move closer down the hill to us and go for round two. Lesson: If this is the  ”view” and “culture” everyone is raving about, count me out.

(link)

Sleep Hyphy, which might be the best wordpress account name ever created, has the scoop on these children picking up bottle caps in Dolores Park.

Speaking of hyphy, I was in Elbo Room not to long ago with a friend from the distant land of Oakland and the bartender, unprovoked, stated “hyphy is dead, dude.”  Just because your bar is the boil on the ass of Valencia St. doesn’t mean you can rain on other people’s parade, dude.

Telstar Logistics hopped aboard a Cessna 182 and took a whole mess of aerial shots around SF.

(Flickr Gallery)

The fall weather is clearly discouraging people from hanging out in the park, but some core park-goers are still determined to hold down the fort.  Take this crew: these guys really know how to party.  Not only were they rocking out with two kegs and various food stuffs, they were playing traditionally awesome park games like potato sack races and three legged races.   It was hard to not feel inferior while merely sitting on the grass with a can of Natural Ice and playing go fish with a deck of Pura Vida cards.

In other news, the cool breeze was not discouraging the token shirtless frisbee player*:

* bonus pink speedo, long red hair, mustache and aviators

Brolores Park has the scoop on the budding Dolores Park fall fashion craze.

Just isn’t what it used to be.

(Photojournalism courtesy of Sex Pigeon)

Something I am amazed worked out: this guy climbed nearly to the top of a tree in Dolores Park, had his friend toss him up a glass bottle of Red Stripe, caught it, and proceeded to drink it.  Bad ass.

I hope he didn’t die trying to get down.

Also, doesn’t this other guy climbing the tree remind you of the kid from Bad Santa?