Mission Mission

When are you supposed to gun ‘em?  Which kinds should be sipped?  I must admit that I was mildly surprised upon discovering when I’m supposed to just knock ‘em back.  What kind of drinker are you?

Find the answers from arbiter of reality Brainslip.

Previously:

Brainslip Reviews the Mission Bars

Meli at Bikes and the City met this MacGuyver of bike rear view mirrors. I love the idea, but I wonder how he cut the mirror or if he just found one that fits.

Quick, without peeking, what kind of beer is that cap from? Head over to Bikes and the City for the answer.

Shortly after reading my thinly-vieled plea to reinstate the Beerdolero, the fine folks at Rickshaw Bagworks invited me down to: A. Obtain a hand-made Beerdolero. B. Tour of their facilities in the SF’s Dogpatch district (allegedly named by a drunkard). C. Dance an Irish jig for them (no joke).

The Beerdolero works great. It is a velcro-secured sleeve that you can attach to any strap, including the one affixed to your Gibson Flying V. Cans fit very snugly into the sturdy loops and wont fall out. It does weigh down the front a bit, so it helps if you are carrying something in the bag to counter-balance.

So why do you want this, aside from the fact that it completes your hipster douche outfit? First of all, this may be the only one you’ll ever see. You can’t buy it from Rickshaw because they only offer them as promotional items. It’s also clear that your beer-carrying situation is dire. How dire? Well, you’re gonna have to tell us… with poetry:

Post a haiku lament about your current beverage transport methods. Be sure to use a real email address in your comment. The best haiku, judged somewhat arbitrarily by us and Rickshaw, wins the Beerdolero. You have until Friday, 3pm to submit

Oh yeah, it’s probably bad to encourage drinking and cycling, so be sure to load this baby up with, uh, Hansen’s if you’re gonna hop on the bike.

Thanks to Lisa, Kati and the rest of the gang at Rickshaw Bagworks for being awesome. Rickshaw Bags is an environmentally conscious and completely local company that puts out super high-quality customized stuff. Be sure to stop by and say hi to them.

Update: Kati says that “Beerdoilero” should be spelled “Beerdolero”.

Also, more about the Beerdolero from Mark Dwight at Rickshaw Bagworks!

I just wanted to give a little background on our Beerdalero… we made the first three Beerdaleros for our company debut at Interbike 2008, just for fun, and raffled one each day at our booth. We have never made it available for purchase. For one thing, it takes about 2 hours to make a Beerdalero — and we make them right here in SF — so they would be ridiculously expensive at retail. Besides, not everything needs to be commercially exploited. We prefer to make just a few now and then for special occasions and special friends — like Mission Mission. Happy Cinco de Mayo! -Mark

Some friend of The Tens (not pictured) says Anchor Steam tastes like earwax.

At first I was like NO WAY, but then I was like MAYBE, and finally I was like SO WHAT, A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE THE TASTE OF EARWAX.

Is it true? Anchor Steam sure tastes like somethin’ or other. What is it exactly if not earwax?

Photo by Orin Zebest.

Previously:

Anchor Steam in Berlin

I so wish this had been taken in the Mission.

Taken by Jesse / Beer & Nosh down in San Jose del Cabo, Baja California.

In case you missed the post from the other day, bags of brew are all the rage in China these days.  For seventy two US cents, you can knock back 5 beers in a Chris Daly disapproved receptacle.  Since I know you all were curious how the hell you drank from these, you’re supposed to impale your beer with a straw and share with friends.  Beyond the style points, the real benefit of this setup is that you have a place to put your vomit in afterwards.  Bag o’ Brew: where have you been all my life?

Anyways, since this isn’t a blog about China, you can follow all the oriental action on the other blog that I otherwise never have a reason to update and no one reads in general.

P.S. – When I get back to the Mission, I want to open a bar that only serves beer in plastic bags.  Good idea / bad idea?

Just isn’t what it used to be.

(Photojournalism courtesy of Sex Pigeon)

Even though I have lived in the Mission for five years now, the first time I had a famous bacon-wrapped hotdog was last October. It was five beers in on a 12-beer night. It was deliciously disgusting. The mix of chewy bacon wrapped around beef entrails and smothered in mayo churns my stomach even today. Maybe it’s because girls don’t have that love for bacon that boys do. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that after eating said hotdog, I went to a friend’s dance party which led to the tell-all bacon-wrapped hotdog fart. Fortunately, most of the people at the party were vegans, so they couldn’t tell what or whom it came out of. But my bacon-wrapped-hotdog-eating partner-in-crime shook his fist at me from across the room. Maybe one day in an alcohol-induced trance, the smell will be wiped from my memory and I’ll be able to eat one again. Sigh.

[I did this feature for the Bay Area print edition of The Onion. They ran a trimmed version in their summer double issue last month, but since they don't put anything online, here it is. --Allan]

If your best friends live in Oakland, you’ll probably be spending a lot of time in the East Bay this summer. Today, the A.V. Club presents a guide to making the best of it.

First, try to think of every trip to Oaktown as a mini-vacay to a bustling mini-metropolis. Stroll Lake Merritt’s shoreline and you’ll swear you’ve landed in some tiny little bastard version of Chicago or something. Enjoy the view for a bit, then walk a couple blocks down East 18th Street and finally see a movie at the Parkway Speakeasy (1834 Park Blvd., 510-814-2400, www.picturepubpizza.com). As you’ve surely been hearing for years, it’s an historic movie house full of couches and beer and pizza, and it is every bit as fun as it sounds.

For slices and pints sans cinema, head over to Lanesplitter (4799 Telegraph Ave., 510-527-8375, www.lanesplitterpizza.com). It’s somewhat less polished than your beloved Little Star, but it has a longer draught list and equally mouth-watering pies.

Speaking of long lists of beer, on August 11th you can all take a mini-road trip down to Hayward for the Bistro’s 10th Annual IPA Festival (1001 B St., 510-886-8525, www.the-bistro.com). India Pale Ales will be ferried in from microbreweries all over the world, so designate a driver and drink up.

On your way back north, go to an A’s game. A’s games are great because you can enjoy the Great American Pastime without all the Bonds-related drama and T-Third-related transit confusion. Plus, the Coliseum is doing that cool thing where instead of sending you tickets, they just text you an image of a barcode.

Now that you’re back in Oakland, if you’re not familiar with the Oaklandish organization (www.oaklandish.org), read up. They sponsor subcultural events throughout the year, including this week’s shadow-puppet production of Sinbad the Sailor by Teatro Penumbra at the Parkway.

Suppose one of your friends just graduated from Mills and is in need of a place to host a celebratory barbecue. Redwood Bowl in Redwood Regional Park (10570 Skyline Blvd., 888-EB-PARKS) is an ideal place to grill up some bockwurst and toss around the ol’ Frisbee. The meadow’s uneven terrain means barefoot Ultimate can be hazardous, so be careful.

In the evening, check out one of those fabled warehouse shows, perhaps at a place like Ghost Town Gallery (2519 San Pablo Ave., 510-393-1876, www.myspace.com/ghosttowngallery). They’re cheap and laid back and charmingly sketchy – welcome respite from the too-familiar routines at the city’s proper rock clubs. You might meet local superstars like Brian Glaze and they might regale you with advice about how to get rid of clingy groupies (tell them you have AIDS) and how to pick up girls you actually like (tell them you’re friends with the Time Flys).

If local superstars aren’t enough, plenty of international ones play in the East Bay too. Canada’s Fucked Up will grace the stage at Gilman (924 Gilman St. in Berkeley, 510-525-9926, www.924gilman.org) on June 30th, and Daft Punk and the Rapture will rock UC Berkeley’s Greek Theatre on July 30th. Either of these would be a great sendoff for your friend that’s moving to Germany or somewhere the following week.

Lastly, if one of your friends tries to drag you to Ikea, there might be a sick view of the melted 580 connector from the parking structure, but other than that, leave your wallet at home and resist, resist, resist.

Whatever you end up doing, the looming question all damn night will of course be how the hell to get back to the city. Inevitably, we all end up sprinting toward a BART station at 12:26. That sucks, because you find yourselves sweaty and winded, and half the time you don’t even make the train. Alternatively, you can search the cryptic maze of schedules on 511.org for info on the All Nighter bus, but you’re drunk for goodness’ sake.

Instead, just opt for a sleepover. This way, you can drink ’til the bars close, stumble over to Taqueria Sinaloa (2138 International Blvd., 510-535-1206) for some carnitas, and then go home, watch Moonwalker again and pass out. In the morning, maybe you can all go to the city together…

East Bay kids are perfectly adept at coming to the city an Amoeba run and a show at the Fillmore, so be sure to turn your friends on to something new this summer! Show them Thrillhouse (3422 Mission St.) and Force of Habit (3565 20th St., 415-255-PUNK, www.forceofhabit.com) in lieu of Amoeba, and then drop into Rite Spot Cafe (2099 Folsom St., 415-552-6066, www.myspace.com/ritespotcafe) for a much more intimate concert experience (The A.V. Club recommends Ash Reiter‘s girl-with-a-big-electric-guitar crooning on June 25th or Toshio Hirano‘s little-Japanese-man country twang on June 30th).

By the way: Since your friends have nothing but a tape deck in their ’92 Acura Legend, be sure to have a few choice cassettes (think NPG-era Prince or the Ghostbusters soundtrack) ready to go for their ride back to Oakland. They’ll appreciate it.

 Browse more Mission Mission coverage of music, travel, food and drink, Muni, and The Onion.