‘Authentic San Francisco’ means watching people fuck in a booth at Latin American Club

There’s always a lot of talk around these parts about what constitutes “the REAL San Francisco,” right? Well, anadromy, one of our new favorite bloggers, has a humdinger of an answer:

Last year, I met a girl online. Turned out she had just moved here from Beijing. She kept saying she wanted to see, “Authentic San Francisco.” It would be impossible for me to phonetically spell out the bizarre and borderline incomprehensible grandeur of her accent, but suffice it to say that it took several, “Excuse me’s?” before I understood her meaning.  When I got it, I decided to try to give her what she wanted. We climbed into the beater pickup truck I was driving then and I just started driving. I didn’t know where the hell to go to find “Authentic San Francisco.” But I gave it my best shot. We went up Portola so she could see the view, then cruised down through the Castro and into the Mission. To my shock, there was a parking space right outside of the Latin American Club. Then, to my even greater shock, there was an open booth in the window. So I sat the girl from Beijing down in the booth and went to get us some drinks. When I came back, there were two young Mission kids sitting in the booth with her. I sat down and they said they had been sitting there originally, but that we were more than welcome to join them. About 30 seconds later, they more or less started having sex. I’m only exaggerating a little bit. Zippers were unzipped. Hands were down pants and up shirts. The guy’s knees kept banging into mine, too.

Read on.

[Photo by LLL]

Ke$ha thinks she’s such a boundary pusher, but she still hasn’t peed out the window of a moving public bus

The Daily Mail published a story about how Ke$ha tweeted this picture of herself peeing on the street this morning, and they included some quotes from previous interviews with the popstar:

‘I’m just a ballsy motherf****r. I’m not afraid of pushing boundaries.

‘That’s what you have to do to become an icon.’ [link]

Yeah well I think we here in the Mission know who the real icon is.

[Photo by Ke$ha] [Thanks, WBTC!]

Better than ever

This is a comment by reader Lyle Lanley, left on yesterday’s post about gentrification. Enjoy!

I’ve been here since 1993. Nope, doesn’t make me an OG, but it’s a bit of time. Flew in, sight unseen. Stayed in an acquaintance’s basement for a few days, then pored over the Bay Guardian looking for an apartment (there was not only no craigslist, there was barely an internet). I found a room in a Guerrero two-bedroom for $330 a month.

This was when New Dawn occupied the Tokyo Go Go space, Elixir was part of the Jack’s empire, Casanova was an old Vietnam vet daytime bar, and a rice and bean burrito at La Cumbre cost $1.25. Laughing Hyenas at Kilowatt!

You’re probably expecting some things-were-better-then nostalgia to follow, but let me disappoint you. Things are better now. There are better drinks now. There is better coffee. There are breakfast/brunch choices that I wish we had (Boogaloo’s, New Dawn, and crepes used to be the only game in the neighborhood). The food is unbelievable. The only downside to the Mission today is that everything’s a little pricier than I want it to be, but that’s always true, isn’t it? No one has ever thought, “I live in a Golden Age of Prices.”

Something that I have heard weekly, daily, hourly in the past 20 years is howls about the gentrification that has just *ruined* the place. Yes, the folks worried about the Google buses on Guerrero, are not the first to worry about “losing the character of the neighborhood.” People bemoaned gentrification in the mid-90’s, they *really* got up in arms during the dot-com boom soon thereafter, and now, during the app boom (or whatever is driving the current rent increases), we’re hearing the cries again. But I’m not worried about it. Why? Two reasons. First, I don’t consider displacement of *businesses* gentrification. I’ll take a nice restaurant over a grimy donut shop any day, and there’s nothing crucial to the character of the neighborhood about having an “envio dinero” bulletproof plexi kiosk in every single storefront – every third one will be fine. So the economic development of the Mission – from artisanal cheese, to handmade clothing, to custom bikes, to fancy restaurants – doesn’t count as gentrification in my eyes. If it is, well, it’s the good kind.

What counts to me as gentrification is displacement of *people*. And that happens far, far less than the town criers suggest it does. It turns out that Prop. 13 (which caps property taxes) and rent control have done a spectacular job of keeping people in place. The family to the right of my apartment, the woman to my left, two entire buildings across the street – all are full of people who have been there for decades. If they’re renting, they’re renting at a rate they’ve been paying for years, and they can’t be evicted (yes, there are owner move-ins and Ellis Acts, but they are the rare exception, not the rule). If they own, they’re paying a few hundred a year in property tax, as opposed to some folks down the street paying over $10,000.

We have serious structural incentives in place to keep people in place, and they are working. So the folks out back who slaughter a couple chickens on the landing on special occasions aren’t going anywhere. The neighbors with thirty people in the backyard shouting at every punch thrown on the pay-per-view boxing match are settled in. The guy across the street who comes out of his family’s house drunk at 9 a.m., accosting passersby with, “I been here 40 years, born and raised,” will probably do that for another 40, unless his liver gives.

Are there problems with rent increases? Absolutely. Vacancy decontrol lets the apartments that become available shoot up to crazy levels. It’s going to be very difficult for people to come *into* the neighborhood unless they’re rich. I think I saw a $2700 one-bedroom down the street, and no kid fresh from college can rent that out and start working an entry-level job. But that’s true on the Lower East Side, too. The most desirable places are always going to be the most expensive. So there are barriers to entry, but nobody is being “pushed out.”

Demographically, the Mission today looks an awful lot like what it looked like 20 years ago. Economically, Farina employs a lot more people than the dormant bakery there before it (what was that place called?). It may be better than ever here.

Thanks, Lyle!

Bad Blood with Joshua Cobos: Fashion Shoot

Every week, photographer Joshua Cobos shoots a roll of film just for us. He picks the best 13 photos and we post them here, and it’s called “Bad Blood with Joshua Cobos.” Here’s what Joshua has to say about this week’s installment:

Went on a fashion shoot recently with photographer Chantel Beam. Walked around Children’s Fairyland & Lake Merritt bringing Kraftwerk’s Trans-Europe express with me mentally for inspiration. I’ve been stuck in the ’70s for awhile now, manically switching my playlists from disco & punk to krautrock & Sabbath. The second half of this series contains a Union Square snapshot of Vic Wong on guitar, a geometrically appealing Burger King & a Payless display. As I took the last photograph of the series, the Psychic Proprietor came out & had a short conversation with me about my future. I can’t really tell you what she said, it was more of a feeling, a suggestion in the form of Johnny Depp/bible verse, “Work out your own salvation”.

Make Up for Ashley Pamela, Beau & Patricia by Ivon Hernandez Garcia.

Thanks, Joshua! Ten more shots after the jump:

(more…)

Mission Vegan: Love note to tiger salad

There is nothing unique about a feverish devotion to Mission Chinese Food, but I have one for the record books, and Mission Chinese keeps giving more reasons to adore it more. (This is despite the fact that I got a piece of accidental bacon in a dish there once, and it’s the only place I have ever returned to after that happened.)

My favorite thing on the menu is the tiger salad. It is superlative. The Mission Chinese magicians switch up their menu fairly often, but they never bench the tiger salad, which is the most flavorful salad in the world.

Word to wise vegans: If you haven’t been to (or ordered in from) this place, I won’t judge; I have never seen ET. Anyway, when you go, scan the menu for the Vs next to each of the vegan menu items.  You can get the Thrice Cooked Bacon done vegan, but not the Ma Po Tofu. Surprise!

In other news, I’m going to SF Vegan Drinks tomorrow night. Want to join? There will be sweet potato tater tots.

UPDATE: Just got a note from the Vegan Drinks people:

We recently saw your post about Mission Chinese and that you’re going to be attending SF Vegan Drinks tomorrow. Unfortunately, we had to cancel this month due to a scheduling conflict, but we’ll be back on in May. Hope to see you there!

Bummer!

Balmy mural-in-progress

Reader Lily tipped us to a new mural-in-the-works in Balmy Alley. From the looks of it, this one will involve monkeys, clowns, and the 48.

Bay Area Battle

Okay, I’m prepared for the idea that it might just be me. It usually is just me. Maybe I have an acute sensitivity towards pareidolia. But when I saw the picture of the Bay Area that the astronaut took from space today I immediately recognized what was actually happening: The East Bay, San Francisco and Marin are engaged in an eternal battle for the Golden Gate!

Three great beasts. Here’s the proof:

Bay Area Battle
(Bigger version)

The original photo:

Or maybe they’re all just reaching out to gobble up the doggie biscuits that are Islands Yerba Buena, Treasure, Angel and Alcatraz.

Of course, this is not without precedent, in that I had previously revealed the East Bay Beast.

[Originally via SFist]

Bureau of Gentrification sticker features cute cartoon butt-kick

Our pal YMFY spotted this little gag right here in the neighborhood and wants to know who’s behind it. [link]

UPDATE: I mean that the cartoon overall is cute. The butt is obvs not cute.

Hip hop and ping pong, together at last!

This Friday On May 26th, American Tripps returns to the Secret Alley will take place at a location to be announced soon for an evening of hip hop and ping pong, with very special guest DJ Laser Tad on the decks. It’ll be like when the Wu Tang Clan combined chess and boxing! From the official invite:

It’s gonna be chill ’90s hip hop, upbeat, feel-good jams sure to go hand-in-hand with BERLIN-STYLE PING PONG ACTION. (Think De La Soul or “Feel Me Flow,” nahmean?)

Sounds good! RSVP and invite your friends!

Stabbed in the hand with a fork after a really weird Muni ride

Mission Local reports:

A 51-year-old man was arrested Monday evening after stabbing a 22-year-old woman in the hand near 16th Street and Potrero Avenue.

The woman was sitting on a Muni bus when the suspect sat down next to her and spread his legs wide, police said. The woman felt uncomfortable so she got up and stood next to the rear door.

Police reported that the man stood up next to her and started yelling in her ear.

Then there was some pushing and shoving and guy pulls a fork and stabs her in the hand. SFPD got him. [link]