Mission Mission

Last night, local funnyman Sean Keane competed in San Francisco’s first Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction event.

What is a “Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction”, you ask? Sean explains it:

The competition is split into two parts: in the first, contestants read prepared pieces of erotic fan fiction (topics last night included Animaniacs, Angry Birds, and the sitcom Family Matters). Before they read, contestants from the second round draw topics from a bag, and write their own pieces while the prepared works are read. Second-round topics included Watership Down, Carl Sagan’s Cosmos, and X-Men.

He may have been thrown a soft ball by drawing “Driving Miss Daisy”, but boy did he ever deliver with his epic “Riding Miss Daisy“. Here’s an excerpt:

Miss Daisy gazed at Hoke’s strong black hands, rough from years of gripping the wheel but surprisingly tender. Hoke swung into the right lane and accelerated past a slow-moving jalopy with ease, almost caressing the wheel as he made the pass. Miss Daisy unbuttoned the top button of her blouse, exposing a neck that hadn’t known the lips of a man since the Great Depression.

That’s about as clean as it gets. If you haven’t eaten recently, maybe you’ll want to read the rest of this very, very wrong piece of fiction here.

I don’t think there were any winners in this event.

What started as a school project for these two Swedish designers turned into 7 years of research, 10 million dollars in venture funding, and what might be the hot new solution to helmet hair. I’m not going to spoil it for you, so you should watch the video for yourself. If it works, it’d be pret-ty incredible.

[via Booooooom]

(Thanks, Doug!)

Have a listen:

RSVP and invite your friends!

Sounds wild! New at Bi-Rite Creamery!

[via Cody]

I once saw a Q&A with Paul Thomas Anderson at Cal. One kid got up and said, “Hi, Paul, I’m from Denver [or somewhere terribly far away, I forget] and I just graduated high school and have no college plans. All I want to do is work in the movies. I’ve loved your work, ever since I first saw Magnolia [when he was 12 or something]. Anyway, I heard about this event last week, so I got a ticket and borrowed a car and drove all this way by myself, because I wanted to ask you — can I be a P.A. on Oil!?” And Paul hired him on the spot. (“He’s seriously gonna regret this,” Paul immediately told the audience, “I’m gonna make his life a living hell.”)

Anyway, that was a few years back, so that kid is probably a rich Hollywood executive by now. These kids here should aim a little higher than just lunch.

(Thanks for the photo, Jennifer!)

The other day we took a look at some great sports-related newspaper clippings. In the comments section of that post, reader Ivy sent us a link to yet another, the above celebration of baseball’s 50th anniversary. Ivy points out that the custom lettering in quite a joy to behold, but my favorite part is the part about California’s special place in baseball’s history. It mentions New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts and Connecticut as states important to the history of the sport, and then says:

But none of them have done more to make baseball what it is than California. Ever since pioneer days, when Market street was a side thoroughfare and Fillmore a pile of sand, the name of California has been closely linked with the national pastime.

When the baseball fever began to spread throughout the country in due time it reached the Golden state. The germ was very contagious, and before many moons there were professional and amateur baseball teams in nearly every city of California.

California makes everything better, doy. Click here to see the whole thing. (Love that line about Market and Fillmore!)

For those times when you don’t want to wear a jacket, but you’re still too cold for just a flannel and a rad Sharks shirt. And also you’ve been watching too much Game of Thrones.

While it’s popular to side with Mark Twain and assume the worst from SF summers, you’ve got to admit that we’ve had some unseasonably warm weather these past few months (and weeks in particular). Which means bike ride, naturally.

Our pal Carl Bean-Larson is a photographer who specializes in closeups of urban surfaces. Look at those textures! He gets so close you can almost smell ‘em. Click through and enjoy!

Not sure if you’ve seen this already, but let this stand as testament to how much cyclists care about their bicycles and just how far they’ll go to recover their rides.  Check out the whole thing either here or below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-GVpIaPEGM

Two things about this:

1) When our protagonist attempts to make a citizen arrest, he doesn’t tackle the guy as an overzealous I may have done in that situation.  He keeps his cool and keeps documenting.

2) I’m totally wearing my lucky hat tomorrow.  And I’m never ever wearing a black shirt with green stripes.

Also, don’t forget to write down your bike’s serial number, which is the only way you can really prove that you’re its rightful owner.  And not on your wrist!  Save that for show stamps and slap bracelets!

(Thanks Jin!)

Previously:

• BART bike parking is not secure
• Shitty bike thieves caught on camera, identification help needed
• Where was your bike stolen?
• Bike stolen along with rack it was locked to INSIDE a building