Mission Mission

Now that there’s a real-life Iron Man suit, and robots are teaching themselves how to be expert archers, is it only a matter of time before computerkind teams with smart pups like this to subjugate the human race — and take over our soccer leagues??

Miscellaziness followed this jumping guy around the Mission the other night and documented several epic night jumps.

Let’s hear it for low-res photography!

Last fall, writer Jordan Conn spent some time with the Mission High soccer team. This week, his piece was finally published by a magazine called Good Men Project. Here’s how it starts:

The guy on the trophy looks white.

This much has been decided as the Mission High School soccer players pass around the statuette they’ve owned for four years running, the foot-tall piece of wood lined with bronze that represents their status as the best soccer team in the city.

The figure who sits atop the trophy, the one the players rub with reverence, the one whose company is coveted by all of the city’s coaches—well, he doesn’t look a damn thing like his current owners. His hair is parted perfectly to the side, too long to match Jose Guevara’s close-cropped spike and too neat to resemble Diego Tamayo’s faux-hawk. His jersey looks like it belongs on an Ivy League rugby player, with its plunging neckline and its collar folded down.

And the shorts?

“Those things are hella short,” says Jose Mendoza, laughing as he points. “You can’t be wearing those around here.”

Read on.

Mission Bicycle Company is hosting the first ever Mission Bicycle Festival on the weekend of 9/25. The event will feature a ride out to the Tour De Fat in Golden Gate Park, bike demos, and contests.

This may be particularly interesting to you Mission readers: at 1pm on Saturday 9/25 there will be a “10 Mission Secrets Bike Tour”! What kind of secrets, I wonder? The location of that sketchy flea market where you can buy back your stolen bike? That hidden warp zone that takes you to the top of Potrero hill? Guess you’ll just have to sign up for one of the limited spots to find out.

There will also be a track stand competition at 3pm on Sunday 9/26. The prize is a brand new Valencia frame set. So if watching a bunch of riders sit almost perfectly still is your idea of sport, be sure to check that out.

The flyer is here and you can get more info at Mission Bicycle Company. Oh by the way, they are having a sale wrapping up today where you can get up to $180 off a customized and likely effeminately-colored ride. Check out their facebook page for more info.

I hope epic fun like this figured into the vision for a renovated Dolores Park last night.

Chug!!

Photo by Luba.

When I was little I used to pretend hobo vomit was hot lava, but Jenn here takes it to the next level. Maybe we can come up with a similar game for hoes on Capp Street or bros on Valencia on Saturday night.

Look for synchronized car wrecking in the London 2012 Olympics.

[Retina-searing Photo by Walter Dukes]

Burrito Justice hipped us to the Mission Reds some time ago:

Mission Reds baseball players, Heinie Sand, Clyde Beck, Jim Stoner, Al Wright, and Babe Dahlgren. Date 1934 Apr. 9.

When I first saw that picture I thought, “man, that guy who set his coffee down on the lower left hand corner really ruined this shot for future generations.” Then I thought, “how cool would it be to have a reproduction of the Mission Reds uniform?”

Well it looks like someone answered that call. Burrito J commenter Andrew pointed out that Ebbet’s Field Flannels has them for sale:

While they aren’t 100% faithful reproductions, it’s still a pretty cool hat tip to the only baseball team named for a neighborhood where Latinos and Hipsters politely ignore each other’s existence. The downside? They cost $185. Not exactly recession pricing. But hey, maybe if enough of us commit to a bulk order they’ll knock it down a few.

Update!

Wrong caption for the old-timey photo. Updated. (thanks Trapper!)

More Mission Reds paraphernalia from Ebbet’s:

Ball Cap $35

Road Jersey $185

Ground Crew Jacket $79

Previously:

Major League Mission

Bryan Whalen sends us this beautiful flyer and says:

Many will attempt to enter the arena of battle, but just one team will climb atop a mountain of destroyed egos, mangled wrists and crushed PBR’s to hold the trophy high above they’re head and claim the throne to all of the Pinball Land.

All Conan-isms asides, the time has finally come for teams to prepare for the 1^st Annual Ball Busters Pinball Tournament. I’ve been plotting this tourney for a number of years, and finally , with the help of Rebel8 and our non-profit partner, Keep A Breast, it’s all come to fruition. The tournament is an invitational, and I’ve hand-selected teams that I’ve had the pleasure of working closely with over my time with Pabst Blue Ribbon. I greatly appreciate everyone who has supported myself and the brand, and now I’m hoping to give you all a kick ass time in return. The event is open to the public, so I highly encourage inviting as many friends as possible, particularly for the purpose of cheerleading. We will also have 200 limited edition tees and posters by Mike Giant (who will also be doing a live piece), all for the ridiculously low price of $20, as well as the El Tonayense Taco Truck (I will provide some freebie tacos) and “refreshments”, so bring cash! I am not charging for the tournament, but would love if each team made a small donation to Keep A Breast.

All the info you will need for the event is below:

1^st Annual Ball Busters Pinball Tournament

• Saturday, Aug 21^st 6 – 12am
• Guerrero Gallery, 2700 19^th @ Bryant
• Team Check-in:  5 pm (or earlier)
• Team Warm Up: 5-6
• Tournament: 6pm on

Rules:

• Single Elimination tournament. Sixteen 2 Person Teams.
• Teams will draw cards at random to determine machine and competitor. Teams flip for either 1/2 player or 3/4 player position.
• Scoring : 1^st round teams play two games. Team’s drop high and low scores, remaining scores averaged. High score in match advances. 2^nd round/semis/ finals/ championship play one game. Team’s score to be averaged, high score in match advances.
• While I am all for pinball finesse (nudging, bumping, bang backs), slamming, lifting, kicking, or slapping on machines is STRICTLY PROHIBITED. Players displaying poor pinball etiquette will be swiftly ejected from the tournament. See next item…
• TILT RULE: 1^st tilt player will be issued warning, 2^nd tilt player will set out rest of game.
• No food or drink on or near machines during gameplay.
• Awards: 1^st , 2^nd Place and “Ball Busters Spirit Award”. Spirit. Award to be determined by PBR staff and will be based on, but not limited to: cheerleaders, costumes, heart and good sportsmanship
• Side bets and good natured trash talking are encouraged, but not required.

TEAMS CONFIRMED: HUF, Benny Gold, FTC, Medicine Agency, Workshop, Bender’s, Fecal Face, Rebel8, 330 Ritch, Evergold/SFAQ, Self Edge, Bro Palace, 111 Minna, Indie Mart

So there you have it. NOW GET OUT THERE AND PRACTICE! I won’t reveal what particular machines will be featured, but they’re quite common (if you’re good, you should be able to play on any machine!).  If you need hints on spots to practice, here’s a few: Lucky13, Elbo Room, The Uptown, Route 101, Malotovs, The Cinch, Doc’s Clock, Ace’s, Bender’s, Musee de Mecanique, Lucky Juju (east bay). Maybe I’ll see you out there and join in for a game.

Will there be a team Mission Mission? Outlook not good. I know there are a few pinball wizards here, but I think Tetris and Ping Pong are more our sports. We’ll just be there for the beer and yelling.

Nile over at Gravel & Gold was lucky enough to see this heroic moving feat in the flesh. I’ve patted myself on the back for fitting an inordinate amount of junk in a Volvo station wagon, but that was nothing compared to this. This is poetry.