Mission Mission

Appendages of Cool, whose anonymous author is pictured here, just published a short story, written years ago, when the author was in college and perceived herself to be “real deep.” Here’s an excerpt:

So Anna and I sat and watched two scrappy adorable dogs playfully chasing each other, biting each others’ necks and rolling in the grass. “Wouldn’t it be great if you could just chase people you liked around and just sink your chompers in? Like hey, I like you, get it?” Anna asked. We often talked about awkward mating practices, how hard it was to snag our crushes and make them kiss us. We also talked about racism and class, how we hoped the country we lived in, whose quality of rational life was declining daily, needed some sort of revolution to make itself right.

Read on.

The San Francisco Mime Troupe is performing for FREE in Dolores Park tomorrow, Monday 9/6. The show starts at 1:30pm.

They are called the “Mime Troupe” but don’t expect to see skinny dudes in whiteface pulling imaginary ropes. Do expect to see a hilarious musical theater production with a typical pinko SF spin on a current political theme.

This year’s production is called: “Posibilidad, Or Death of the Worker”. Here’s the trailer:

[photo by Steve Rhodes]

The Dolores Park Community Meeting at Mission High School wrapped up at 8pm Wednesday. There were a lot of strong opinions, but the meeting stayed civil. We focused on two main topics:

Traffic Safety on 19th and Dolores

Neighbors and park-goers agree that 19th and Dolores is a dangerous intersection. With the unlikely combination of dog walkers, children, and intoxicated you-know-what-sters it’s a miracle that the street doesn’t get a splattered with a daily red paint job.

Manito Velasco of the SFMTA did most of the talking and plainly stated that no new stop signs will be installed. They have have studied the traffic flow on weekdays and don’t think it meets federal guidelines for signs. One guy said that they should study the traffic on weekends because, like doye, it’s totally different. Zing. Velsaco said he’d do that. Also, nuh-uh to traffic lights, ’cause those sons of bitches cost $350,000.

What they do propose is some combination of the following:

• High visibility and way-fun “zebra striped” crosswalks (you know, for kids)
• Yield notifications
• Pedestrian Xing stencils
• 20th and Dolores traffic light timing tweaks

They are also looking into:

• Disallowing U-Turns (To which one neighbor replied to the effect of, “But then I can’t go home without doing a lap around San Francisco first!” Somebody get this lady google maps STAT.)
• Remove some parking spaces on the corners to increase visibility
• Reduce the San Jose 280 offramp to one lane to discourage people from taking shortcuts through the Mission

After some prodding from the audience, Velasco conceded that they are “not opposed” to stop signs but want to check out other options first. Oh ok, so “no stop signs” is now “maybe stop signs”.

Sorry what were we just talking about again? I got distracted looking out the window at the people in Dolores Park having an awesome time in the 70 degree weather. Oh yeah, traffic on 19th and Dolores.

Two diagrams for the redesigned intersections were shown, featuring neat “bulb outs” and “pedestrian refuges”. A guy pointed out that the diagram showed a clip-art car making a dangerous U-turn, or a sorry excuse for a left turn. Someone fire that illustrator.

Enforcement of Park Rules

Supervisor Bevan Duffy gave a long rambling introduction for the Mission Police Station’s Captain Corrales in which he called the dude a total hard ass, but damn it all, he respects him. Corrales, who would really rather have been at the Giants game, reminded us that drinking and smoking have always been illegal in Dolores Park. That being said, if there are no complaints, they don’t go out and bust people. He added that after the park stabbing in early August neighbors got spooked and increased complaints about drinking, smoking, and other fun stuff in the park so they sent those motorized robocops around to issue citations. How many? 28, to be exact. 19 for drinking, 9 for smoking. He then rolled his eyes about emails whining that the sight of patrolling police cars was “ruining the ambiance” of the park. This guy is pretty snarky! I like it. He should write a blog.

On to the comments which, like on a Mission hyper-local blog, is where things get a little tense.

This guy whose name rhymes with “Tevin Tontgomery” said that SF has a history of not enforcing laws and that the city often pioneers the legislative destruction of outdated laws. He added that cops should be busting killers and stuff, and not jerking around fun-loving 20-somethings which is “ageism”. Corrales shrugged and said, “speak for yourself, dude. I have been enforcing the law for 40 years”. Wow! That guy is cucumber boy, as in “cool as a”. Bevan Duffy got HELLA PISSED and said some stuff about how immigrants are protected by law and that he visits crime victims in hospitals, which was sorta confusing, but got some woo-hoos and applause.

A Latin-American 20-year resident of 19th and Dolores who kinda looks like John Tuturro brought up how young brown kids growing up in the ‘hood see cops turning a blind eye to the whiteys in the park partying down, while busting them for the same stuff, leading to the perception that cops and hipsters are full of shit. Touché, sir. No one’s touching that one.

Neighbors holding babies chimed in. They’re not “anti-fun”, just anti-people barfing on their doorsteps, dancing on their cars, stealing their cell phones, leaving trash everywhere, and having loud non-permit raves (Fun facts: only 2 permits are issued for Dolores Park events a month, and none of them allow events after 6pm). One reminisced about the old days where the young people would chillax with one discreet bottle in hand, as opposed to wheeling in kegs and smoking the doobies everywhere. They also zinged the cops for the handling of the nighttime crowd dispersal last week, which involved bullhorns and bright lights. Cops said they would try to do better.

Later that night, the cops dispersed the crowds in the park with bullhorns and  bright lights from a menacing cruiser. Not that I was, um, there or anything.

One park-goer commented on how she drinks in the park (Oops! Hear that Captain Corrales?) but totally respects the space, sympathizes with the neighbors, and cleans up after herself. Yessir, it’s probably those ruffians with the arm tattoos that are just ruining it for everyone. Neighbors nodded in approval as if to say, “you’re one of the good ones, babe.”

Then there was some more chatter about the trash can and bathroom situation. In short, the renovation will address all these things. For now, port-o-johns on somewhat arbitrarily selected days will have to do. As for trash? No word, but you’d be surprised how much of it you can stuff in a medium Timbuk2 messenger bag.

Wrap-up

I haven’t been to a lot of these sorts of meetings, so I’m not sure what to make of the outcome. Crystal Vann Wallstrom of Dolores Park Works was optimistic about everyone coming to agreement which didn’t happen. In the end, she shrugged and said, “we’ll keep doing this every year until we all agree”. No hurry, folks. On the other hand, it was a chance for people to be heard by parties on all sides, which must be positive.

In all seriousness, thanks for Dolores Park Works for setting up the meeting. It was a good experience to hear all sides of the argument in a controlled fashion. Organizing and moderating these meetings seems exhausting, and it’s not a task I’d be up for. I hope you all make it to the next one.

Do you want to protect your right to throw an alcoholic energy drink themed flash dance party in the park without being hassled by the po-po? Who doesn’t?

Well now is your chance to be heard in front of the people that make these decisions:

Dolores Park Works has organized a community meeting to discuss safety, law enforcement and 19th & Dolores has been set. The big day is just two days away, Wednesday, September 1st, from 6:00-8:00, at Mission High School cafeteria, which is located across from the tennis courts in Dolores Park (entrance to cafeteria off of Dolores & 18th).

We will be covering:

• 19^th & Dolores pedestrian safety & proposed changes
• Park patron safety and law enforcement

Get to work folks, you have about 30 hours to formulate a convincing argument about how we live in a police state and that NIMBYs are harshing your mellow, man. See you there!

More info at DPW, thanks to Andy B. for the gentle reminder

Too bad.  I wanted to go party at the Cafe in the Castro again tonight!  As did these guys, who were the first in line to be married at City Hall had the most hotly anticipated decision since Lebron’s produced the result we and Glenn Beck were all hoping for.

Looks like we’ll have to wait until next week to see what’s up . . .

[Photo by SF City Attorney Dennis Herrera via SF Citizen]

That is all.

[Photo and Title by Scotty Roo Karate]

Marina people: we sure love to hate ‘em, what with their clean neighborhoods and surfer-influenced fashions. Well here’s a shocker, maybe they don’t like you so much either.

But what’s the problem? We like drinking lots of beers too! As for sports? The World Cup was cool! Good, expensive food? Yes, please! Didn’t you also go to a good college? Uh-huh!

Somebody other than myself was also disturbed by this, and chalked this up on Valencia St. over the weekend:

Thank you, anonymous Mission chalker. The olive branch has been extended. Bros and hipsters… living together… mass hysteria.

In case you haven’t heard about it yet, Direct Action to Stop the Cuts/Creative Housing Liberation, is so bummed that it’s hard to move into the Mission on the cheap that they went ahead and helped themselves to the vacant second floor of the 20th/Mission T-Mobile building last night and occupied it into the morning. Believe me, I can relate — the only affordable spots are rent-controlled flats with a bunch of dudes who interview you for 15 minutes then just go with the cute, broke art-school chick that walks in after you.

After displaying their stern disapproval of capitalism and demonstrating some formidable pun-making skills (“Grabbin’ Newscum”!), they were ultimately put under citizen’s arrest by the building owner around noon today… which must involve mace or nunchucks, because most people would laugh that sort of thing right off.

From SF Appeal:

11:52 AM: The protesters were placed under citizen’s arrest late this morning, according to a report from Bay City News. The owner of the building issued the citizen’s arrests, charging trespassing. Five people were arrested, San Francisco police spokesman Sgt. Troy Dangerfield said. He said the five are being taken to the police station for processing and may be cited.

[photo by Steve Rhodes]

Update: Here is the full press release from the CHL:

In a city with so much conspicuous wealth, an estimated 6,000 to 15,000 individuals sleep without a roof over their head. 23,000 or more others are on the waiting list for public housing (a list that is often closed to new applicants), while some 30,000 housing units sit empty.

Each budget season, the mayor threatens to cut funding for vital housing, health, legal, and other services that help the working poor and indigent. Without these services, many who remain housed would quickly end up on the streets – or dead.

The mayor’s vision for San Francisco? Million-dollar condos and “affordable housing” that most residents can’t afford; schools and other publicly owned buildings laid to waste; jail bunks and early graves for those who have no place to rest but the sidewalks.

On Monday July 19th, community members will respond by undertaking a collective act of homefulness. Please join us promptly at 5:30pm as the march to the occupation site is time sensitive. This is community resourcefulness in action, don’t miss it! Housing is a human right!

The usually astute Generic says:

I can overlook comic sans and I can overlook “tequila lounge” but I can’t overlook both. [link]

Ha! But for the record: There is nothing wrong with Cava 22. *Mission Local* had their launch party there for goodness sake! Phil Bronstein was there!

Breaking news from EDW Lynch himself:

Dear Sir:

Because you serve the vital purpose of informing the Mission public about important matters, we would be remiss if we failed to inform you that EDW Lynch is leaving the San Francisco Romantic Market effective 8:00pm yesterday. Sorry ladies.

EDW Lynch is a Mission-based man-corporate hybrid (corporate manglomerate) that has begun holding press conferences at the Amnesia Open Mic on Tuesdays.

With best regards,

EDW Lynch
Chairman and CEO
EDW Lynch, CM

DICTATED BUT NOT READ

cc: Legal, Partner Management

This is hot on the heels of the LJBF (Let’s Just Be Friends) incident several weeks ago:

No word on what happened to his previous English accent.