Mission Mission

Let it be known that previous hit tweet: “Korean daughter / Dolores Park” was written by @birdmeat and not a thieving buffoon such as myself

— vic wong (@vicwomg) September 24, 2012

Scandal!

The Golden Hour! First one is tonight! Our pal Julie from Penelope Popsicle is host and executive producer (and after seeing her work over at Oakland Nights… Live, we can guarantee this is going to be the bomb), our very own Andrew Sarkarati and Helen Tseng are co-hosting a little news segment, there’re free shots (!!!) and the house band is called the Hats! I can’t wait!

RSVP and invite your friends!

SF Comedy & Burrito Festival??? Comedy and burritos?? Makes sense kind of, I guess. But we asked festival co-founder Ameen Belbahri to explain for real:

As a San Francisco native and burrito aficionado I had always wondered why there were no events celebrating what I think is our greatest culinary contribution. I had thrown around the idea of having such a festival, but it just seemed too difficult logistically. At the time I was working at a comedy club part-time and was trying to figure out how to make a career out of it. Someone suggested I put together a comedy festival and somehow the two ideas merged in my brain. I told friends about it, usually under the guise of a “silly idea I had” until eventually their enthusiasm for the project convinced me that it was viable. [Co-founder] Jeff [Cleary] had also been tinkering with the idea of a comedy festival so we joined forces and thus the festival was born.

Hurray! And get this: early-bird tickets are available at early-bird prices for just another couple days, so best get on it! (They come with burrito vouchers, and after this week they go from $55 to $75. Events take place at various venues around the neighborhood.)

Last night, local funnyman Sean Keane competed in San Francisco’s first Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction event.

What is a “Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction”, you ask? Sean explains it:

The competition is split into two parts: in the first, contestants read prepared pieces of erotic fan fiction (topics last night included Animaniacs, Angry Birds, and the sitcom Family Matters). Before they read, contestants from the second round draw topics from a bag, and write their own pieces while the prepared works are read. Second-round topics included Watership Down, Carl Sagan’s Cosmos, and X-Men.

He may have been thrown a soft ball by drawing “Driving Miss Daisy”, but boy did he ever deliver with his epic “Riding Miss Daisy“. Here’s an excerpt:

Miss Daisy gazed at Hoke’s strong black hands, rough from years of gripping the wheel but surprisingly tender. Hoke swung into the right lane and accelerated past a slow-moving jalopy with ease, almost caressing the wheel as he made the pass. Miss Daisy unbuttoned the top button of her blouse, exposing a neck that hadn’t known the lips of a man since the Great Depression.

That’s about as clean as it gets. If you haven’t eaten recently, maybe you’ll want to read the rest of this very, very wrong piece of fiction here.

I don’t think there were any winners in this event.

“Not Olive Garden”.@olivegarden: If you had to describe Italian food in three words, what would they be?

— Neil Hamburger (@NeilHamburger) August 9, 2012

Burn!

What a guy! (He’s in town making a movie with Woody Allen.)

From our Facebook page, we received a tip of a brand new combo offering in the neighborhood. Colleen O’Rourke says “A new local character has stepped onto The Mission stage”.

[photo by Mia Judkins]

This should be interesting. Plus, I hear Chris Garcia is moving to LA, so you better get your fill quick. RSVP and invite your friends!

I mean, they had me at naming a thing Duck Lake — but Mission CTRL went the extra mile and created some killer poster art (above) and a really killer trailer (below).

Here’s more:

DUCK LAKE is the world’s FIRST Ballet-Horror-Comedy! Written and produced by PianoFight’s sketch comedy troupe, Mission CTRL, it features choreography by the acclaimed Brian Gibbs of TAGsf, 3D shadow puppets, butchered Broadway numbers, and lots and lots and lots of ducks—who may or may not be murderous…

We saw their previous show a few months back and it was so good I was moved to write an actual multi-paragraph review of it. So I’m pretty sure Duck Lake will be an epic tour de force. And it opens tonight! At the Traveling Jewish Theater (on Florida between 17th and Mariposa, in the same complex as Z Space). Tickets here.

Friday night, with the shops closed, and while other people socialized in bars or at parties, a few of us walked the streets like creeps and browsed some promising future shopping opportunities. I now present to you:

THE MASK

Now you can dress like the titular character of the 1994 Jim Carrey film, based on the comic book of the same name! Somebody stop you! They can’t!!

THE BOOTY

Now you can have the booty you’ve always wanted, with cheeks clenched tight enough to turn a lump of coal into a diamond!

THE WATCHMEN

Now you can watch yourself watch a tiny monitor that displays a live feed of you squinting into an empty storefront to see what the hell is on the tiny monitor on the ground at the far side of the bare floor!

So much fun to be had out there!