Mission Mission

My friend Jed is looking for an apartment and got tipped off to some magical poetry found in the Mission District listings on Craigslist. It’s really hard to pick a favorite line.

$530 You get the bedroom. Have my space. (mission district) (map)

This is a nice and comfortable. This guy that you will live with doesn’t easily show his old injuries, but has chronic pain issues. Retired from the Fed Gov. I am easy and fair. Connected to No Religion +/= 420. I need someone that will use this mainly for Sleeping and Showering or Whatever; light cooking doesn’t bother! You Go to a good job on time and and pay your way! Then all will be peaceful, warm and COOOL. You will get my respect. If you read this and and you know someone who needs just a little daily smart advice and understands (been there done that). 54 and try me for a part-time father figure. I only do stuff part-time. I will file taxes in 2010. If you lived with me and were waiting for stimulus hum, it could happen. No diseases or tell me before I hand you Keys. Your share of rent is Negotiable. Do you like that? Big Daddy here.

San Francisco like Paradise. Eat drink and be merry with gay.
Phone number upon request. Move in date is Open. Come and see!

No Nosey’s . . .

In case it speaks to you, link.

Proof It’s Always Sunny is probably the best show ever made.

I absolutely cannot wait to watch people rolling around Dolores Park with these bad boys on.

Reading Brolores Park is better than watching The Office on Hulu:

As mayor and former next door neighbor to Lark In the Morning, I feel I must say a few words in eulogy.

Lark in the Morning was a store for bros. Not regular mnstrm bros, but bros who truly understand what it means to be authentic. Bros could be seen going in and out of Lark in the Morning from morn til night, seeking authenticity in the form of banjos, ukeleles, bagpipe reeds, and all other manner of authentic musical instruments. Walking into the store was like walking into one’s ancestral bro home. The ceiling and walls weren’t all corporate and bare, but instead looked like something you’d find in a locked, hidden room in a Scottish castle, being a bower of wood, string, and pipes.

Living next to Lark in the Morning gave me a sense of connection to the authentic brommunity, as it must have to all the bros who larked about its doors. Lark in the Morning, u will be missed. May your stores lark in the heavens with medieval banjo accompaniment. <3 U /// MISS U /// R.I.P.

(link)

I figure if I can still unironically enjoy Biggie’s “Mo Money, Mo Problems,” I can link to a 5-year-old interview with my new favorite sticker artist (via Wooster Collective):

What is your favorite thing to do on your day off from work?: art or sex, but even though I don’t have a job right now, I still don’t seem to do either as much as I’d like.
What is your favorite color?: green or purple or something.
Who (or what) do you love?: idiot art, copyright infringement, music, efficient public transportation, soul sistas, Mary Hopkin, vandalism, my friends, etc. I don’t actually love: fascism, racial profiling, police brutality, prison labor.
What other talent would most like to have? I’d like to be able to interact normally with other people and/or play the piano hella good.

Read on…

(Photo by Rick Audet | Thanks for the tip Gwen!)

(photo by jeffgage)

See the results.

Mooned on Mission.

Jesse Fernandez has been running a multimedia comedy show called Things We Made at The Dark Room Theater on 18th/Mission for over two years now and I have a feeling it’s pretty funny.   Sure, “multimedia comedy show” sounds kinda douchey, but it can’t be any worse than the things you currently laugh at (Seth Rogen? Are you kidding me?).  Be honest with yourself: you have a shitty sense of humor.

But back to Things We Made.  The relevant deets:

“Things We Made” is a comedy show that presents a salad of wit, characters, videos, illustrations, movement and music. It’s an atmosphere to share unconventional and often brilliant creations. Patrick Bulger and Jesse Fernandez host this monthly conduit of San Francisco’s original and delectable humor.

When: 10:00pm, 10/17/09

What: A comedy show called “Things We Made”

Who: Chris Garcia (The Onion’s Aristocrat Award-winner), Donny Divanian (San Francisco Fringe Festival), Chris Thayer, plus the Things We Made Cast!

Where: The Dark Room Theater on 2263 Mission Street (between 18th and 19th), San Francisco, CA 94110

Cost: $10

For more info: 415-401-7987, www.thingswemade.com , www.darkroomsf.com , wsup@darkroomsf.com

Go on and see it!

Chris Garcia, I remember being pretty funny.  I vaguely recall my bf and I trying to impress him with jokes one night at maybe the Hemlock and walking away feeling successful, but let’s face it.  We weren’t funny.  Sorry,  Chris.

For those of you who do not believe Brolores Park is real life, this just popped up on Craigslist:

All cuddlers welcome, cute cuddlers only though. – 25 (mission district)

Date: 2009-10-04, 10:49PM PDT

Hello, we are four handsome young gentlemen who are looking for some lovely young ladies to come over and keep us company. We have a spectacular entertainment set up. Let me walk you through it:

An Xbox 360: We can play video games, watch dvds, talk to our friends over the headset, WIRELESS controller.

Netfix streaming: Yup, thats right. Over 500 movies at our fingertips ladies. Anytime. All day with that shit.

A Flat screen TV: Say what??

Dolby surround sound speakers: We cans hear all kinds of shit.

Airtunes: My fucking laptop WIRELESSLY connects to the surround sound speakers. Music all day ladies, all day.

So much more: couches, table, dvds, hallway, kitchen, bathrooms, backyard, cherry tomatoes.

Our ages vary from 24 to 25, we live in the mission.

One of us has a queen size bed with 400 thread count sheets, in case you get tired from all the FUN!

Family Circus lovers a must.

Chortle!  My fave Handjobbin’ in a long while:

Avoid the vag, read Handjobbin’!

This is the stuff handjobs were made for.

Submit your own, girl hands.

Drew, whom is still one of my favorite SF bloggers, had a net-level run-in with some strangers outside his apartment:

…so as I continue to walk up the stairs, the guy and his friend are walking awfully close to me. Don’t get me wrong, I like to hold hands with strangers and even get freaked from behind by them like at the Prom during slow jamz (the use of the letter “z” in the word “jamz” should be mandatory). But it felt a little weird. So I do the awkward scared white guy thing and just walk a little faster while also thinking in my head about how they teach girls to carry their keys in between their knuckles as a weapon in case of rape. I’m not sure that’s an “awkward white guy” thing as much as it’s a “really? you thought of how to not get raped?” thing.

So as I’m walking up to my apartment, I just casually walk in to my place and go to get a glass of water. And at this moment, I realize that one of the guys is in my kitchen. And at this moment, I realized I was their drug dealer.

Read on.

Previously on Mission Mission:

• Drew Goes to Dolores Park