Mission Mission

Breaking news from EDW Lynch himself:

Dear Sir:

Because you serve the vital purpose of informing the Mission public about important matters, we would be remiss if we failed to inform you that EDW Lynch is leaving the San Francisco Romantic Market effective 8:00pm yesterday. Sorry ladies.

EDW Lynch is a Mission-based man-corporate hybrid (corporate manglomerate) that has begun holding press conferences at the Amnesia Open Mic on Tuesdays.

With best regards,

EDW Lynch
Chairman and CEO
EDW Lynch, CM

DICTATED BUT NOT READ

cc: Legal, Partner Management

This is hot on the heels of the LJBF (Let’s Just Be Friends) incident several weeks ago:

No word on what happened to his previous English accent.

I was wondering what came of Science For Juggalos and was surprised to find out it was broken up by Insane Clown Posse themselves! I can’t decide whether or not this means it was a complete failure or resounding success.

Big Violent J himself fills us in:

In case you haven’t been up on your memes, ICP put out a video recently about all the magic up in this bitch. You know, like fuckin’ butterflies, lava, giraffes, and UFOs:

In response, the Mission’s own Noisebridge decided to host a science fair for the Juggalos to help explain how fuckin’ magnets work among other things. It took place in front of the Warfield on June 5th where the band was scheduled to play.

There are more details of what went down from Aaron Muszalski on his twitter.

[photo by y3dua]

Just spotted ‘em. This city acts fast!

Previously:

“There Are No Savesies”

Brainslip this week invited some bros to provide a rundown of the Mission. Here’s what they had to say about Medjool:

Dude, sit down for this one. It’s a fucking rooftop bar with kick ass views of downtown. What more do you want, bro?

Read on.

Previously:

No Bro

In honor of what is apparently Bodily Functions Week here on Mission Mission, my microscopic bladder, and as a visiting blog tourist, I’d like to take this opportunity to praise your bar/restaurant restroom options.

Here’s my unofficial Mission Sit or Squat break down.

(Note: these reviews are strictly for the ladies, although on a previous visit I did  sneak into the men’s room at Beretta and found it to be quite clean.)

Shotwells- definitely a sit. Nice and clean, with no shortage of soap or paper towels.

Amnesia- ugh, squat! On two separate nights I visited, and between them I got in all my isometric exercise for the week. But, I don’t blame the bar, I blame the near-sighted lady patrons.

Tacqueria Cancun- I think I’m going to go with sit, although my judgment may be blurred by the muchas cervezas I consumed earlier in the evening.

The Uptown- hmm, this was kind of a sit/squat situation. On the one hand you have to pass through a completely pitch black room containing the sink, which was almost creepy enough to make me abort mission entirely, but once I braved it I found the toilet itself to be super clean.

But the winner of the week was Benders, if only because the first stall contains this mystical unicorn graffiti!

Unicorns are magical creatures, even when watching you do your business.

Overall, you Mission ladies seem to be way less nasty than us dirty birds back in Boston, or at the very least you have some pretty diligent toilet scrubbers working the bars.

Either way, give yourselves a hand! (but make sure you’ve washed them first, okay?)

Good thing I was trounced in pinball last night. Had I not been moping down Shotwell in defeat, I wouldn’t have noticed this stencil, which offers an important update on the state of fake mustaches.

I threw a mustache party back in 2008,  still have a supply of pretend pencil thins, and have wondered “are they passé? Or still good for a few chuckles?”

Although, not being a native, maybe I’m misinterpreting  sarcasm here? Best to be cautious next time I encounter someone sportin’ a faux meat sweeper and look for social cues before laughing too loud.

Mission Local and Uptown Almanac have covered the mural conversation happening at 24th and Capp. Here’s Justin Beck‘s interpretation:

Glad to have some context. I wondered what small person was supposed to be yelling that.

Insert your own “bland pattern on your back” or “nude men on your face” gag here.

Link.

Previously:

Speedo Squad

Bygone Bureau this morning published a feature on annoying coworkers. Part of it seems to be some kind of gag about aliens that I don’t really get, but they’re pretty spot with the stuff about annoying coworkers. And the drawings are good.

Unload one or the other on Craigslist!

(Thanks, Iron D!)

Previously:

Craigslist Vending Machine

Craigslist in Your Pants