Mission Mission

Ramona Emerson’s latest Things San Franciscans Like column is up, and it’s a keeper as usual. It’s called “Things San Franciscans Like: Not Being San Franciscans,” and it contains stuff like this:

Everyone you meet in San Francisco is champing at the bit to tell you how they’re not from here, and will try to insert their own place of origin as often as possible:

“Do you know where the bathroom is?”
“I’m from Eugene.” (Which you shouldn’t necessarily take as a ‘No’)

This is like a siren’s call to other people from Oregon, and someone nearby will be obligated to ask if this person perhaps knows their cousin’s cat Misty.

Read on.

Map scan by Carrie.

Laughing Squid posted a delightful video of this cell phone getting down in front of the Mission St. MetroPCS:

He may be puffy, but he’s definitely not lazy. The person inside this inflatable cellphone suit posseses an incredible amount of energy, because he’s been observed dancing vigorously for hours on end in front of a MetroPCS cellphone shop on Mission Street in San Francisco. Work it, dude!

In other news, making an animated gif these days is a fucking pain in the ass.

I’ve always wanted to see right the fuck through people in a matter of seconds!

But couldn’t they just have saved some time and downloaded the Sex Pigeon Donut App instead?

The Tens has the scoop.

Previously:

Who Stole Dynamo Donuts’ Sign?

Ramona knows:

People are afraid to do open-mic standup comedy, and it’s probably because it’s just about the most pretentious thing you could possibly do besides run for president or murder someone.

I’m going to get up on this barely elevated stage, and I am going to try to make you laugh. I’m not going to definitely make you laugh, because some things I’m going to say aren’t funny, and some of you can be stupid, but probably not in the same way that I can be stupid, and also some of you laugh mainly on the inside and should really stop coming to open-mics.

Last Wednesday I tried my hand at a comedy open mic.

See how it went. Seriously, it’s a great read. Waaay better than Funny People.

Comes from Mazzy, regarding the Levi’s Workshop on Valencia and the American Apparel store on Valencia that wasn’t:

I guess American Apparel should have bought a friggen printing press.

Corporations take note!

Photo by Sylvain Norget.

From the desk of photographer Cranky Old Mission Guy:

Always keep a puke-bucket handy when you’re on a bender.

More.

He made the announcement this morning to members of the “I Wanna See Paul F. Tompkins in San Francisco!” Facebook group:

So that’s it: Paul F. Tompkins, September 17th at the Elbo Room, thanks to hundreds of folks joining a Facebook group.

You’ll recall (or perhaps you won’t) Iron Davy Cole’s official Mission Mission interview with Mr. Tompkins, in which this whole effort was first discussed.

Andy over at SF Weekly is apparently a pretty great cartoonist. Her brand-new Dolores Park Bingo will be a fun way to pass the time tomorrow afternoon (even if a tad too easy).

[via Bedtime Champ]

It’s an old joke, but here it is.