Local comedian Emily Heller, on the occasion of Facebook’s IPO, shares the tale of her brush with Facebook wealth. She’d grown up with a lot of kids who went on to bigger and better things (at Facebook):
When I was on the debate team in high school, there was a kid on my team named Justin. He was a couple years older than me, and he was a genius. He used to teach an elective physics class to the other smarty pantses who were too smart for the physics classes that the TEACHERS at our school offered. I, meanwhile, didn’t even take science senior year, opting instead for three history classes, a poetry class, and remedial math.
One day, Justin and I were talking about the future. I knew he was going places; places I would never go; places that had lots of money in them. I asked him what his plan was, and here’s what he told me:
“I’m going to graduate from Stanford in two years. Then, I’ll do grad school in a year. Then I’m going to find some way to make millions of dollars very quickly. Then, when I’m twenty-five, I’m going to retire.”
Read on for the dramatic conclusion, which takes place out front of an SF warehouse party.