Mission Mission

Reader Alexis sends us a note about an article in Concierge, a magazine I’ve never heard of before, titled “Ten Things Not to Do in San Francisco.”  The gist of the article is this: if you want to gawk at the youth and their “counter-culture,” you should avoid the Haight and go straight the Mission, home of “the real San Francisco-now experience.”

“Today weekend hipsters with day jobs in biotech have moved in, but the vibe remains decidedly experimental.”

Are “weekend hipsters” the new “weekend warriors?”  I think I just retched in the back of my mouth.

Ugh.

This is what we call “comedy gold.” I’ve heard stories over the years from my one or two female friends that guys catcall a lot in the Mission.  I’d imagine there are two reactions you can have to being hollered at all the time: 1) cry about it and move to the suburbs or 2) start a twitter account.  Keep your chin up ladies because, wow, you are so attractive.  yes you.  hi.

(link)

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can stay culturally relevant in 2010.  Facts: PBR/Tecate/Olympia are getting slutted, Mission Mission commenters tell me that Bender’s was just a 2009 meme, and fixies are a little too mainstream.

Luckily I just spotted this (spot on) video, hipsters discussing cyclocross, thus answering one of these questions.  Cyclocross (or “cross” for those obsessed with sparing syllables) bikes will replace color-coordinated fixies as the 20-something bar-bike of choice in 2010.  ’makes total sense.  A little known fact about ‘cross racers is that they already needlessly color coordinate their bikes, among other cool things.  Take my roommate’s bike:

His ride is so hip for many reasons*:

1. It’s almost completely white.  White is so euro right now.  White is the bleeding edge of cool.  Plus when you get hit by a Muni, your friends don’t have to paint your bike ghost.
2. Almost all the parts are made in Asia.  Asian bike parts are pretty hot in the cool kid community right now so the transfer of legitimacy will be easy.
3. His frame is handmade by Mike Ahrens, which means he paid more than $150 for it.  Being “limited” (via gringo economic superiority) is pretty important these days because it helps demonstrate your uniqueness (read: unfettered access to your trust fund).
4. He has to glue his tires onto his rims, thus giving him two ups over urban fixies: 1) he “accidentally” becomes “lightheaded” while fixing a flat tire and 2) he has just that much more connection to the ground.  He can feel his skid stop, the cycling equivalent of sex without a condom.  Reckless.  Feels so good.

(* none of these stereotypes apply to my roommate.  He actually works hard for his money and has a very nice haircut)

So, what about beer and bars?  The beer question is pretty easy.  I have no doubt that Colt 45 will become the beer of the year.  It’s pretty hard to find it in bars in the Mission, giving it the necessary level of rarity and exclusivity to become the next top brew.  I also watched a bunch of cool kids crushing Colts at the OTHERSIDE Cafe (vegan sandwiches until 2am, beer, bicycles, and website is a MySpace page) on a recently trip to Boston, indicating that the messenger community back East is embracing the malted goodness of Colt.  I even ordered some myself to fit in.  They’re pretty tasty.

I still have not figured out what the cool Mission bar of 2010 is.  When I figure it out, I’ll be sure to post about it once a week, minimum.