Mission Mission

Remember when we saw man-sized ketchup and ranch bottles duking it out in the new Dolores Park playground last month? Well I’m not sure how we missed this, but the full-length commercial that they turned out to be filming came out a month ago and it shows these condiments duking it out all over San Francisco. Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cj5Aa–TytI

Not sure who to call the winner. Looks like at least dogs prefer ketchup.

By the way, I know we just posted a commercial, but don’t think we’re on the take. It’s just a funny commercial.

That being said, I can tell you from personal, unbiased experience that Hidden Valley® brand ranch dressing truly is the world’s finest condiment for fries, steaks, and sushi. In fact, independent studies have shown that it can increase the intelligence in newborn babies if rubbed on the belly daily during pregnancy. Why don’t you live a little and make your dinner tonight a ranch-drizzled dinner? Hidden Valley® makes everything taste better™.

At Saturday’s Believer/Tumblr event at the Makeout Room, there were more than a couple of stories about encountering crazy people on the streets of SF. Turtle-enthusiast/multiple-dog-owner Mills Baker read this entertaining piece about an aspiring religious musical songwriter and future mother of quintuplets:

Now that I think about it, everyone I know who lives in or has visited the city has a favorite crazy person story. I guess that’s one good thing that came from the Reagan administration.

Hey, looks like BART Police actually do stuff other than stand around holding their belts!

Today BART posted that that they caught 47-year old Brett Major of San Francisco in the act, and want your help in identifying some recovered stolen frames:

BART Police Officers booked Major at San Francisco County Jail for burglary, theft, possession of  burglary tools, and an outstanding warrant originating from Alameda County. A subsequent search of Majors’ home turned up seven bicycle frames and parts, which BART Police believe to be stolen. BART Police Investigators are looking for the owners to identify and claim their property.

My bike (stolen in January from the same location) wasn’t in there, but maybe you can identify yours so they can throw the book at this dude… multiple times. Hopefully they are heavy books with sharp edges like hardcover, large print editions of Infinite Jest. I don’t think I’ll be retiring the busted-ass Murray that I lock down there yet, but this is a good development indeed.

If you’ve had a bike stolen out of 24th St. recently, head over to BART’s site and see if a picture of your frame is listed.

Update: Also, don’t forget that Ingelside station posted a ton of pictures of recovered bikes in May. Worth a look if you haven’t checked it out already.

I’m glad the guy behind the “average neighbours” sign posted what can only be described as a long-winded artist’s statement (with an inexplicable Young Jeezy shout-out) because it led to some new light on the original “bad neighbors” saga. To bring you up to speed, Schmidt’s moved into the corner a couple of years ago, the upstairs neighbors didn’t like it and posted a “bad neighbors” sign, and the guy across the street didn’t like the sign, so he posted his own sign last week.

But first, here’s a snippet of the “average neighbour” guy’s comment:

I posted that sign. It is in response to the bad neighbors sign, which apparently exists as a means to establish a new status quo of sign/neighbor/relationship commentary.

Every night I look out my window at what used to be a beautiful view and is now a snarky, insipid, whiny symbol of everything that is passive-aggressive about our city and it’s typical inhabitants. I can no longer watch a simple sunset without being forced to reflect on how babyish the members of my community constantly are. For two years now.

Victims.

…

I urge all of you to view the Smitzs’ ‘bad neighbors’ sign not as a perfectly ugly window into the most entitled and obnoxious voice of a truly ugly-on-the-inside person, my neighbor. See it as a commentary on the nature of advertizing and it’s divine, invisible power over our…

(more)

You get the idea. Now I don’t know whether to smile at what I thought was a light-hearted gag or to punch a wall.

Revisiting the original “bad neighbors” thread, I discovered that the roommate of what we all probably assumed to be a crazy person told a lucid side of the story 6 months ago. I don’t know if they ever got their fair shot after the Mission Loc@l article, so here ya go:

The Mission Local blog post linked in this article is biased and one sided. They didn’t even attempt to get my roommates side of the story, yes I live with the “bad neighbors lady”.

We lived in beautiful harmony with the El Faro market for years. They cooked in the back and there was never any problem. One day the landlord decided to take a stab at running a restaurant and evicted our convenient little market/ take out food place downstairs. He got some partners to front for him and open a beer bar in it’s place. We protested and got the neighborhood together to sign a letter, we successfully put a hold on the beer and wine license.

About a year went by and we were contacted by David Peirce and his wife, believe her name is Christine Schmidt, about how they wanted to take over the space but our hold on the license was still in place. Should have smelled a rat there. They promised us that they cared about the other people in the building and that they’d be good neighbors. they said we could always talk to them about any problem and that we’d always get a healthy discount when we ate there. I love beer and German food so I was falling in love with these guys. I talked my roommates into retracting their objection to the alcohol license.

Within a week Schmidt’s installed some loud equipment on to the roof of our building that made our whole flat shake like a bus was going by non stop for 16 hours a day…

(more)

There are two sides to every story. Looks like they tried to work it out in person and when they ran out of options, resorted to creative stationary. The tenants have allegedly been there for over 10 30 years and probably enjoy some baller rent control, so I doubt the building owner is too interested in conflict resolution in lieu of waiting to see if they get fed up enough to move out.

We’ve all had noisy neighbors before, how much should you be expected to put up with it? I used to live in a great, cheap 1-br apartment on Fell and Van Ness next to the Rickshaw Stop. I tried to accept the thumping bass and folks pouring into the street at 2am as city flavor, but in my 2+ years there I never got used to it. Eventually, I just got up and moved. Not everyone has that luxury.

In any case, it’s sad that a lot of people in this city don’t pay attention to their neighbors until they hate them. Go leave a fruit basket next door tonight.

Update: Mission Loc@l did a follow up with the tenant that we missed a few weeks after the original story. Here it is. (thanks Rigoberto Hernandez)

Hey guys, don’t forget to go to Uptown Almanac‘s locally-sourced stand-up comedy show tonight. It’s all local comics! Sure, these folks might not be interviewed on WTF in the near future, but they will probably tell more jokes that are specific to your San Franciscan sensibilities, like “what is the deal with gum on the sidewalk” and “why are people in their mid-to-late 30′s in love with Sutro tower?” Plus, bragging rights. In 10 years you can say you saw them all before they had failed sitcoms.

It’s only $7 at the door and if you’re not ready to laugh the cover includes enough free PBR to make anyone funny.

Edit: It wasn’t my intention to trash these comics or Uptown Almanac, if that’s what came across. I was making some probably poor-taste jokes about careers in stand up comedy in general (too much listening to Mark Maron). I sincerely apologize if this was taken that way. We have supported these comics and this event before and think they are great. I will be there. Needless to say, I will not be performing comedy.

Lost Weekend Video has had no shortage of awesome original tees, and the latest is no exception. Check out their recreation of the pivotal Spock vs. Noisy Punk Rocker on MUNI scene from Star Trek IV:

Here is that scene, in case you’re not nerdy enough to know what I’m talking about:

Uh oh, looks like the folks at El Faro have been causing their (apparently British) upstairs neighbors some feelings of indifference:

Maybe if they made a bit more noise while taking out the trash they could find themselves in bad neighbor territory, like Schmidt’s. In case you forgot, they’ve been duking it out for over a year now:

Or they could take it the other way. By leaving a few free tacos on their neighbor’s doorsteps they could earn the neighborhood’s first “good neighbors” sign. Now, El Faro, wouldn’t that set a good example for your sons, El Farolito 1 and El Farolito 2?

[via wbtc]

Are you really that different from a bro? I mean, you like athletics (biking is sporty!), drinking lots of beers, sports teams (everyone liked the Giants that one time last year!), and babes. Also your respective neighborhoods are both super-expensive to live in. Half way there already!

And now you can finally smell like one:

Complete the look for $5 at Big Lots on Mission and 29th.

The truth is out there. Or was out there. On someone’s driveway. Flickr’r Sangroncito reports:

I walked out of my front door and found this extraterrestrial lying in my next door neighbor’s driveway. When I returned an hour later he was gone.

Has anyone seen any weather balloons lately?

[via Sangroncito]

Say what you will about Clooney’s Pub on Valencia and 25th, but it’s got one thing the other, hipper bars in the area don’t have: a coin pusher game.

Remember dropping your mom’s hard-earned tokens into these at Chuck-E-Cheese while she sat at the table looking tired? This one, decorated with “Just for fun” decals, has a few $5 and $20 bills sprinkled in there too, upping the stakes.

We pumped at least $1.50′s worth “fun” into this baby before some dude outside used the brilliant strategy of “kicking it really hard”, which is in fact pretty easy to do considering it’s right next to the front door making for easy escape. Not that it mattered. Even after this thing let off a shrill alarm sound upon being assaulted, nobody (including the bartender) payed any mind and the guy casually collected his “winnings”.

He kicked it like 3 more times and probably made at least $3.50 for his trouble. Then he proceeded to play the game legitimately with his ill-gotten quarters, continuing the circle of life.

Not bad, but I think he could still learn something from these kids:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUAfIcUnxsY