Mission Mission

CBS is all over the news that someone was stabbed at 1am this morning.  I guess the new froyo place is not keeping away the crime.  Whoops.

A tipster informs us the Jay’s Cheesesteak, the best sandwich place in the Mission (sorry, Mission Burger), has finally added vegan mayo to their menu.  No price difference.  Huge taste difference.

Bissap Baobap is closing, Little Baobab (which has the best Mafe Tofu and Hibiscus Margaritas ever) is losing its dance club and consolidating menus with Bissap, BollyHood Cafe will be a full on dance club renamed “Cafe Bissap”, and the Bissap location is turning into Mediterranean / Pizza place.

Information overload.

GrubStreet has the scoop.

Mission Loc@l has the scoop.

MF Grocery shows us how to make beer using Fruity Dyno Bites.

I feel like this could easily be an Onion story in which a “journalist” interviews an irate suburbanite about their exaggeratedly bad time at Dolores Park and subsequent Yelp review.  Only this is real life:

#1 – Dont buy baked goods from people here, or breathe the air in general if you work at a job where you are drug tested. I was so stoned I couldnt function correctly for days (Please See Review of Delano’s IGA).

#2 – Wild, muddy dog runs wild and drops tennis ball soaked in mud/vomit/hell on my bare legs. Steph throws ball away. Rabid great dane thinks this is fun. Runs to another blanket with a dog and recruits him to join terror spree. Three minutes later, a pack of dogs are running amuck, knocking over margaritas, stepping on the packages of boys in neon blue speedos, slobbering on small children who scream in terror. The owners watch, nonplussed. So much for leashes. Lesson: I now have a love of muzzles and a renewed disgust for all varieties of balls.

#3 – Man wearing American Airlines headphones props himself above my lady friends and I and politely smiles, yet begins to masturbate. He finishes after we squeal and laugh and point. He decides to move closer down the hill to us and go for round two. Lesson: If this is the  ”view” and “culture” everyone is raving about, count me out.

(link)

Mission Mistaken drops us this note about trashcans:

Lemons into lemon peels and all that.  I could only find two cans that I think are sufficiently groovy, and neither is easily ordered online.  But they are cool.

But I just think it would be good to put the word out there that for all the hoopla about the new rules, no one is offering stylish ways to conform.  I think it would be fun if you guys challenged your community of readers to be as inventive with this subject as they are with everything else.  Cause bottom line, saving food scraps in a special place is just nasty.  It sets you back 1000 years and smells and attracts pests and pets.

I’m not sure about a design contest, because I come from a land that burns our garbage, taunts it, and occasionally shoots at it, so I don’t really understand this liberal Gomorrah’s ritual around trash.  That said, if you know of some sufficiently groovy solutions to our government-mandated compost crisis, we’d sure be appreciative.

Sleep Hyphy, which might be the best wordpress account name ever created, has the scoop on these children picking up bottle caps in Dolores Park.

Speaking of hyphy, I was in Elbo Room not to long ago with a friend from the distant land of Oakland and the bartender, unprovoked, stated “hyphy is dead, dude.”  Just because your bar is the boil on the ass of Valencia St. doesn’t mean you can rain on other people’s parade, dude.

I love shit like this (props to the whale).

(photo by Jason Tester)

photo by GrimRaynard (who also has a bunch of other cool shots in his photostream)