Mission Mission

Auditioning for National Park status, Dolores Park decided to demonstrate its natural fury last night by transforming its busted water main into a full-fledged geyser.  The warm night air inveigled some inebriated parkers into thinking that muddy slip ‘n slide might be a good idea.  They were soon wet and sorry but provided quality entertainment for the rest of us.

That flash you see above is from another park reveller who thought this would make a good photo op.  Her enthusiastic red-headed friend exclaimed excitedly, “You should email these to MissionMission and they might post it!”  Overwhelmed by the meta-ness of it all, I quietly slinked away.  By then the fire department had showed up and was in the process of ruining all the fun anyway.

And she never did email us the picture.  It was probably way better than my crappy dark one.  Mission paparazzi, have no fear!  Even if you don’t think it’s as epic as one of your neighbor shitting on your apartment (NSFW), someone will like it!  That’s how the internet works.

S. Pigeon is a genius, and that’s all I have to say about that.  Except for maybe, “Why can’t we have ‘Science’ billboards that just have pictures of Erlenmeyer flasks and shit in real life?”

UPDATE!!! Kat schools me:

Yo dudes, I posted that shit months ago.  Don’t think I’m not watching.

I still want Erlenmeyer flask billboards for science.

Previously:

“Never ever does this city seem likely. Never at all.”

Judging from the number of emails we’ve received about this, you can tell that excitement is building for the Alite launch party this Friday from 6-11pm at 2505 Mariposa Street (at Hampshire).  Even Kelly from indie-mart is all about them (and she will be helping to host the party as well).  With an eye towards putting the fun back into camping, Alite founder Tae Kim has brought together local creatives and designers to create this rad new SF brand.  Besides, who can resist a party with:

Sex charades in the "Sleepy Hotness" double sleeping bag?

or

A doggy scavenger hunt? Crazy!

Plus there’s a photobooth too, but try not to go all Pop’s in there.  I’m most intrigued by the monarch chair, pictured at the top, which purportedly folds down to the size of “a San Francisco burrito” (shouldn’t it be Mission style?).  I will have to check it out myself since I’m not sure whether they mean a properly sized El Farolito super burrito or one of those miniature (and comparably expensive) Papalote twigs that all the skinny hipsters rave about.

I thought a good old-fashioned sidewalk sale was happening this morning on Valencia, but Kevin here informed me that he is in fact moving out.  I wanted to ask where he was moving to in order to help spread the word, but instead we had the following exchange:

Me:  “Heya!”

Kevin:  “Why are you taking pictures?”

Me:  “I just wanted to ask what was going on here.”

Kevin:  “I’m moving.  You can’t take pictures!  Only assholes take pictures of random people.  You’re just a BIIIIIG ASSHOLE”

Me:  “You are probably right about that.  Later!”

So now I’m not even sure if that was Kevin (fairly certain though–I have heard the word ”diva” used to describe him several times), or if Vertical Clearance is moving on to the big salon in the sky or just to Lower Haight/Hayes Valley.  I will have to check out the aftermath on the way back home.

This is probably a tender, vulnerable moment for him, hence his dislike of being photographed (and I concedingly didn’t use any with his face visible).  But really, am I a big asshole?

Found this stuffed between the bars of my front gate.  A sort of coming of age for the folks at TCB Courier.  While hardly as distressing as the ubiquitous Pizza Love flyers that blanket front doors throughout the Mission, these brochures represent a worrisome change of tactics from our favorite gourmet bicycle couriers.  I guess online advertising can only reach a certain demographic, and nothing can really adequately replace the soothing feeling of glossy paper in your hands as you ponder whether it will be a currywurst or katsu pork sando this time.

Nonetheless, it is mildly ironic that even green and local businesses powered by bicycle have to engage the paper-industrial complex in order to survive (imminently bankrupt USPS standard mail rant coming soon!).  Maybe they need to start delivering Ike’s?

However, before you get too indignant, check out the 20 page booklet delivered to everyone (by mail) advertising the San Francisco “Green” Festival:

"GREEN" SF

So save the faux-outrage for those capitalist Saigon Sandwich ladies and their 25-cent price hike!

Previously:

The Mission Finally Has Late-Night Bike Delivery: TCB Courier Service

TCB Courier Unveils Service Area Map and Pricing

TCB: The Motion Picture

TCB Courier Delivers Rhea’s Deli For Free, Gives You Fewer Reasons To Leave Home

TCB: “Jay’s Cheesesteaks? Yes, bro!”

POSSIBLE SUSPECT

My buddy Mike posted the first salvo on Facebook this morning:

After band practice last night, I saw a guy pulled over on Mission St. The dude had been driving a golf cart, and was epicly failing a drunk driving test. Where is a video camera when you need one?

Apres, the comments deluge . . .

I’d heard of that guy and then I saw him in my neighborhood driving around, BLASTING hip hop! I feel like I should hate him, but I kind of love him!

I see that guy stumble out of the Latin American at LEAST once a week. And he always lets random people cruise around in his cart. It might not have been him at all, but someone else!

I saw a guy cruising around a while back, blasting public enemy, in a METER READER’s cart — could it be a different guy??

Anyone have any tips as to what this mystery mobile might be all about or who could be behind it?  Could it be the Mystery Machine Meter Maid?  Or perhaps Schlomo’s Cushman is making a Bahn Mi comeback?  Gumshoes, we need answers!

I’d give you the address, but it’s really not too hard to figure out.

Not long ago, well-intentioned yet completely clueless city planning folks changed the traffic flow on Market to force drivers to turn right on 10th St. rather than continue to cause congestion problems while attempting to turn on the ill-suited 8th St.  However, this unfortunately put the squeeze on bicycle commuters as they tried to navigate the narrow, somewhat dangerous bike lane bestowed upon them.  It seemed a lot of valuable space was wasted, being used as an unnecessary “buffer zone.”

Fortunately, logic has prevailed and the buffer zone is history, replaced by a wider, safer bike lane. Cyclists win!  How often does that happen in San Francisco?

BEFORE courtesy of Streetsblog SF

Childishly amateur stop motion traverse through the new scene after the jump . . .

(more…)

Anticipated for almost two years and basically eulogized a few months ago, Zaytoon might just be ready to finally do battle with Ali Baba’s Cave (and Truly Med by proxy) for Valencia Mediterranean Wrap supremacy.  Let’s see if they can fill the void left by that place that used to be at the Phat Philly spot.  Odds on how long they last?

The guy above is probably wondering whether the girl with the laptop is writing a Craigslist missed connection about him.  That should make things easier anyway and also means that he doesn’t need to worry about talking to her now.  Let the internet sort things out.

Full Disclosure:  I just stopped into Ritual to get a hot drink (don’t ask me why; I usually only go there when friends are visiting) while waiting for laundry and noticed this pic in my Google reader.  Meta-unsettling.

At any rate, Helena has been killing it for some time with fake Polaroid Iphone photos in the Mission.  Like this!  Do yourself a favor and check them out.

Previously:

Fake Polaroids Even Better Than the Real Thing?

Fake Polaroids Still Going Strong

Okay, Real Polaroids are Good Too