Mission Mission

A reason to visit the Elbo Room tonight (unlike other nights when it’s a Marina weekend or transplanted tourist destination) featuring CLAWS and TITS, as well as MissionMission favorite Eats Tapes, among others.

Come out and do a little bit more for Haiti, because honestly, it’s been kinda pathetic lately.  And like we’ve said before, texting 90999 doesn’t count when your mom pays your celly bill.

Had the pleasure of sitting down to a peaceful brunch at Boogaloos today.  I never go on the weekends because it’s a veritable shitshow, but on an unassuming Wednesday it can be quite a pleasant experience.  Oh, and look!  The menus are new and shiny instead of those flimsy paper things!

Wait a minute, something isn’t right here.  All the menu items seem to be a dollar or two more expensive than last I remember.  Uh oh.  I hope they didn’t mess with the . . .

Curses!  They did!  What are they thinking?  $4 for a mimosa?  Not quite Foreign Cinema or Beretta prices, but also not a direction in which I am comfortable proceeding.  Am I ridiculously late in discovering this?

Well, at least maybe now it won’t be such a shitshow on weekends anymore.

Emalie found this abandoned sea shell at 22nd and Folsom, obviously left behind as cataclysmic flood waters receded back to the ocean from whence they came, leaving the ark ready to repopulate the world.

Emalie take lots of nice pictures, but they’re all locked up in her Facebook (is that grammatically correct these days?).  Free your pics, Emalie!  That goes for all the rest of you, too.

Previously: Catholicism Strikes Again

Free post-punk at the Knockout with some great local bands.  Airfix Kits sounds like GANG OF FOUR having a party with THE MINUTEMEN, and they even have an English-accent-sounding singer for authenticity’s sake.  Also, they’re one of Allan’s favorite SF bands (probably because they also have an Allan in the band).

Rank/Xerox is one of those bands that you can legitimately describe as “early JOY DIVISION” without getting laughed out of the room.  And of course La Corde is opening everything up with their WIPER-influenced raw sound.

The FREE SHOW starts at 9pm.  Tell the rain to fuck off and come out!

Previously: Airfix Kits at Pissed-Off Pete’s in Excelsior

Seriously.  Some mega-douche made off with Mr. Daniel Harlan’s pug-nosed Himalayan cat, Samantha, from his makeshift encampment under a freeway off-ramp near 8th and Harrison.  Then, when he went off to look for her, his tent got stolen as well.

Seeing as how Samantha is the only thing he really cares about anymore, if you have any information concerning her whereabouts, please don’t hesitate to give Daniel a call on his cell at (415) 742-0095.  Yes, homeless people have cellphones too.  Pretty much everyone has one now.  In fact, I was woken up just last night by a recycling scavenger having an argument with someone he was talking to on his Nokia.  Multitasking!

Update!  The cat has been located and returned to Mr. Harlan. Well-meaning (an apparent non mega-douche) Tom Neville came upon Samantha just as Daniel had left her (leashed to the camp, in the rain) and assumed he was rescuing her from a terrible situation.  Which begs the question, is it a form of animal cruelty for homeless people to have pets?  What’s more important:  the pet’s well-being or the person’s emotional support?

[photo from sfgate]

So you party a little too hard at Debaser and wake up in someone else’s bed, but UH-OH, you forgot that you have that early-morning meeting at Ritual with some venture capitalists who are ready to pump funding into your game-changing gumball machine idea.  While trackstanding at a stoplight, you realize your breath smells like Zeitgeist on porta-potty cleaning day and will only get worse once rinsed with espresso culled from an $11,000 coffee machine (or not).  What to do?

Luckily, your gumball machine game-changer also happens to be exactly what you need in this situation.  Synergy!

The Chewable Toothbrush

‘All in one’ disposable toothbrush and breath freshener.  No toothpaste or water required! For instant results simply place the soft brush in your mouth and chew (see diagrams).  Leaves your whole mouth feeling clean and fresh!  Great anytime after snacks or meals.  Ideal for holidays and travelling.  Not suitable for children under 6 yrs.  DO NOT SWALLOW.

Is anyone surprised to see that this comes from London?

Previously: Start Your Own Mission Empire for $60

Poignant commentary or unfortunate misspelling?  If the latter, then this edges out our previous champion.  Get it while it’s fresh.

[available @  the 24th/Folsom market/check cashing/almost-landord]

BULK CANDY VENDING MACHINE
4 Used – Vendesign Carousel 4-in-1 Candy Vending Machines in good working condition
Very elegant looking. Ideal money maker – can be located in a corner of a business location. It occupies about one square foot of floor space. It has a rotating head that holds four plastic removable containers for easy refilling and cleaning. Can be filled with a variety of products. Requires little maintenance. Stands on a black metal sturdy frame, post and circular stand for stability. It will pay for itself in a few weeks. Asking $60 each OBO.

This baby has been sitting on Craiglist’s Mission Business page since the beginning of the month, and no one seems to realize its true potential.  All it takes is one hot idea and your humble starting spot in the corner of a liquor or dollar store can eventually become the Mission’s next Bi-Rite or El Farolito.  Twitter may have even started this way.

The tricky part is figuring out exactly what kind of killer app we can place inside that will make us RICH RICH RICH . . .

LIVER BISCOTTI

I like the thought here.  Dogs need treats all the time, and they’re going on walks all the time.  Sooner or later, dogwalkers will happen upon this machine, and they will find exactly what they need.  It’s too perfect not to work!  Are there enough dog walkers in the Mission, however?  You tell me.

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in order to normalize optimal digestion temperature.  98.6 totally works, but a little warmer won’t hurt.

Don’t count on another MissionMisson contest with this one.  While not quite on par with the “I Lost Me to Meth” PSA’s of two years ago, this cuteness-drenched ad for treatment research at St. Luke’s Hospital on Caesar Chavez and Valencia arrives just in time for the holiday.  Also, don’t be afraid to visit tweaker.org if you really are in need of help.

Oh whatever, let’s make it a contest.  Best meth story in the comments wins the original of this: