Mission Mission

I think we have a serious contender to the legendary Slime Time van.

Next time you’re in the Cesar Chavez and Precita area, please take ten minutes to take in all the incredible things happening on this automobile which, at the bare minimum, can be referred to as the “9/11 Tupac Freedomn van”, but may also be called the “Mushroom pedobear Jesus heart of gold van”:

[click for larger version]

Update 2/1: For more about the sordid nature of this van, head over to Jezebel.

All of your nostalgic comments pertaining to the demise of Giant Value seems to have elicited a similar reaction from distinguished reader David, who contacted us with a blast from the past:

All this recent talk of thieves on roofs and yesteryear’s Mission (Value Giant) makes me think of Crackers, that 80s B movie caper flick starring Donald Sutherland and a young Sean Penn and set on 24th and Alabama, right where Discolandia would later come and go.  Recently found the whole movie on YouTube.  Really fun to pick out the shops that are still here (hey Casa Lucas!).

Wow, he’s right!  And look, just down the street is La Palma (only the best place to buy tortillas en todo el mundo)!  If the avocados at Casa Lucas are sometimes 5 for a dollar these days, I wonder how cheap they were in the 80s?  Anyway, let us know what other spots are to be found after you watch the whole thing here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5vL_WyffzQ

Our pal Todd from Bernalwood sent us a tip about a situation that didn’t exactly turn out as planned for an aspiring ninja:

Getting reports from a friend who lives there. Thief jumped a fence, then took a stand on a roof on Alabama St, threatening to jump. Police scanner says two hostage negotiators were on the scene. He was just taken into custody.

Reports that the two negotiators were in fact Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey remain unconfirmed.

UPDATE from Lysol Tony on our FB page:

I live at 25th and Florida, a man snuck into my house to hide from the cops. My roommate came home, opened the door to her room and the dude said “don’t scream!” She screamed, roommates ran out of the house, I followed because the cops were yelling at us to get out. 2 hours later he’s still on a roof on Alabama.

In case you haven’t heard, the Mission’s iconic Giant Value building is closing and being converted into “market-value” condos. Here’s what they will look like, next to the forthcoming renovation of the New Mission Theater:

[via Kwan Henmi Architecture]

Otto Venta recently snapped some shots from the current interior:

Over the past couple of weeks they have been liquidating their stock at 50% off, including the following near-luxury fragrances:

[photo via Chirp]

Even though I’ve only set foot in the building a handful of times, I’ve always admired the huge block letters on their facade and intimidating selection of 1970s deadstock goods at reasonable prices. What’s it going to be like in a post-Giant Value world? Will our children’s values not be as giant? Will the boxy condos stay true to the spirit of their ancestors and offer affordable housing? (Not-fucking-likely)

Check below for some of Mission Mission’s Giant Value posts over the years. And what the hell, if Giant Value meant anything to you, please share your fondest or worst memories in the comments. Maybe you picked up a bottle of BOOS cologne and it sealed the deal on a first date you were nervous about. Perhaps you remember how devastated the community was when they switched the words from “VALUE GIANT” to “GIANT VALUE”. Or how about that time Apple maps took you there when you were really trying to find the SF Giants ballpark?

Selected comments will be printed on a commemorative plaque to be installed in the sidewalk in front of the building. (Not-fucking-likely)

#sanfranciscogoldrushhipster Cast Irony Pan. twitter.com/eviloars/statu…

— Ariel Dovas (@eviloars) January 28, 2013

Add your own!

“Plaid” still doesn’t rhyme with “laid”. #sanfranciscogoldrushhipster twitter.com/eviloars/statu…

— Ariel Dovas (@eviloars) January 28, 2013

Mission Creek – Widely panned. #sanfranciscogoldrushhipster twitter.com/eviloars/statu…

— Ariel Dovas (@eviloars) January 28, 2013

Covered Wagon Pop Up. #sanfranciscogoldrushhipster twitter.com/eviloars/statu…

— Ariel Dovas (@eviloars) January 28, 2013

#sanfranciscogoldrushhipster Mr. Strauss’s Skinny Jeans. twitter.com/eviloars/statu…

— Ariel Dovas (@eviloars) January 28, 2013

#sanfranciscogoldrushhipster I’m a Fool 4 Gold. twitter.com/eviloars/statu…

— Ariel Dovas (@eviloars) January 28, 2013

#sanfranciscogoldrushhipster Oh, fancy shovel. twitter.com/eviloars/statu…

— Ariel Dovas (@eviloars) January 28, 2013

I was on my way to dinner at Hog & Rocks the other night when I ran into my pal Paul strolling down 20th Street. I invited him to join me, but he’d just eaten, at KronnerBurger, where he’d had a lovely meal and they’d served him CARBONATED TEQUILA. I immediately changed my plans.

They carbonate the tequila for inclusion in a drink called the “Carbonated Motherfucking Margarita,” which was really good — but not as disarming as the carbonated tequila on its own. It’s like you’re drinking champagne, but it’s tequila. It’s like you’re drinking science fiction! It turned my world upside down. (First because it was such a wild thing to experience, second because I ended up having about nine shots, which I think carbonated my brain a little bit.)

I went back the next night for more, but they were out or something, so I stormed out. Which means, I guess you might not always be able to get it. (The good news is, the rest of KronnerBurger’s bar program is also very good. I recommend the Scotcholate Milk and the Sarsaparilla Old Fashioned.)

Your usual host Nick Pal will return soon, don’t worry. Drink of the Week is brought to you by Poachedjobs.com.

Enjoy it while listening to “Night Moves” by Bob Seger:

[via Burrito Justice on Tumblr]

This happened somewhere in the Mission I guess.

[via reddit]

(Thanks, Isaac and Karen!)

Lyft vehicles are the ultimate hybrids:  taxi, car, and pedestrian, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

Perhaps this is revenge for PARKing Day?

Here‘s a blast from before the bust of ’01. When Slanted Door used to be on Valencia and places like Mangiafuoco on Guerrero used to offer basic Italian grub and grog (“It has chianti and what else do you need in an Italian restaurant”).

Benders was Sacrifice, serving up rum ribs and voodoo pasta in a tiki setting (“Don’t ask about how this purgatorial “tiki lounge” fits in, it just does”).

Booze was referred to as liquids and Amnesia charged a whopping $2 for live shows. Over at The Uptown a good jukebox was defined as one stocked with Dylan and Morphine, but beers were $3 and the dude next to you could probably tip you off on a well priced nitrous tank.

The current de-gentrified Club Veintiséis on Mission near 26th was the gentrified 26 Mix, a “sound bar” offering up a high quality listening experience while you sipped on your suds à la Tokyo style bars which feature a premium soundsystem and choice djs.

Bonus interview with dj Spesh aka “dj Special K” of club QOÖL fame right here, who will surely get a kick out of this decade old frosty picture we’ve unearthed.