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Dating cops

Posted Apr 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm by
Categories: Romance

Kreayshawn wants to know! And so do culture jamming Oakland advice columnist Ron Kristophone‘s readers. Here’s what Kristophone has to say:

I don’t think dating a cop is the best direction to take at your age. You’re going to have a bunch of years later on in life to feign interest with the cop-soulmate of your nightmares about how shitty the new X-ray guy at city hall is, or how much of a pussy Ramirez was for ordering a Greek salad at lunch. In the meantime, I think it would be best if you tried out guys who talk about the Speak and Spell they circuit-bent to sound like the robot chick from “Small Wonder” more than how your day was. Or perhaps the dude in his mid-thirties who holds grudges against you for not giving a fuck about Nigerian hip-hop. Both of them wont be constantly diverting their attention away from you toward the Burning Man shithead who is weeping passionately about the nutritional benefits of lentils, or laying their gun on the table and staring you directly in the eye every time you order a Greek salad.

Read on for more if you like. But first let’s watch the classic video for “Dating Cops” by the Intelligence:

 

6 comments

6 Responses to “Dating cops”

  1. bilbo says:
    April 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Well, let’s be real. OPD is not CHP is not Sherrif’s Department.

    We need to move past “cops” and recognize that each police force has its own unique personalities that may or may not make a member of each force right for you.

    CHP – Country boys done good. They don’t like cities or minorities driving on the Bay Bridge.
    OPD – From the same streets as those they police, they’re a gang that the Oakland Mayor has to apologize for instead of vowing to eradicate.
    Sherrif’s Department – Not the most athletic police officers, they’re content to transport prisoners and hang out in court rooms.

    See what I mean?

    • jackterrier says:
      April 13, 2012 at 2:51 pm

      Most of OPD lives outside of city limits, in Fremont or Concord or Martinez. It’s just a job to them. They’re clocking days until that sweets CALPERS retirement package.

  2. why says:
    April 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    I think Ice-T covered this topic fairly well didn’t he?

  3. Greg says:
    April 13, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Self important assholes with guns. Good luck.

  4. MrEricSir says:
    April 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    If you had to pick, would you rather date a cop or Kreayshawn?

    • Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable says:
      April 13, 2012 at 8:46 pm

      DEFINITELY a cop. Kreayshawn is a horrible little hipster goblin.