Okay, it was dusk, but it’s Daylight Savings Time for god’s sake, and the lights of the Roxie marquee light up this block just as well as the sun does.
In any case, a mid-30s-ish bike thief with a chinstrap-ish mustache, caucasian, crouched down by a locked bike, snapped the cable lock with a totally surreptitious tool, and sped off before my mildly buzzed happy hour companion was able to put two and two together.
And this was all also in full view of the vigilant crew in the Roxie box office, but, again, the thief worked so fast and cool that nobody noticed. It took seeing the broken lock left behind on the sidewalk for my friend to give any thought to what had happened.
A.) We know, you use a cable lock, it’s your own fault. B.) Still, bike thieves in this city are good — they’re like ninjas — so don’t get too comfortable, even if you have a proper lock. C.) Keep your eyes peeled and your minds sharp! As soon as my friend said, “Hey, why did that guy leave his lock, on the ground?” I shot up, yelled “BIKE THIEF,” ran outside, but it was too late. A few seconds sooner, we might’ve had a collar. (Or at least a better blog post.)
The free crepes at Dalva (with grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, feta and olive) were hell of good though.
Bike thieves are so lame. If you’re going to be a thief, why not steal something real like jewelry. At least rich people have insurance.
If you’re going to co-opt native slang, at least get it right: “hella” good (not “hell of”). Ugh.
You’re hell of behind the times, old dude. Nobody says “hella” anymore, except maybe my mom. “Ugh.”
hella is derived from hell of. where were you in the late 90′s?
i meant this to get it right.
Don’t blame “hella” on native San Franciscans. There’s no way that’s “native slang”. That shit came from Chico, Los Angeles or some such backwater.
HECKA OR GTFO
Dumbass! How did you think Dalva was paying for those crepes?
It bears repeating. never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never use a cable lock.
See, I’ve always heard that you should use a cable lock AND a U-lock or chain, as bike thieves are usually carrying one kind of tool or the other, but not both.
The crepes were HELLA good. Hello?
Hi!
i like “hell of”
Agreed.
I’ve also seen “hulluv.”
If you use just a cable lock you are absolutely positively guaranteed that your bike will be stolen. I don’t see why bike stores in SF still sell the things.
Uh, well possibly to increase sales.
hella? that band from sacramento? one “hell of” a drummer that Zach Hill is
They are from San Diego.
A tin ear here
And a tin ear there;
Here an ear,
There an ear,
Everywhere a tin ear!
Old man Houghie
Had a blog –
Eee-eye-eee-eye-oh!
;p
Best to use Bagel Lox. Smell stays on thief’s hands and then you can trace him. Cream cheese also makes it slippery.
Bagel Lox–wherever fine lox are sold.