Mission Mission

The other day we were lamenting how all our friends always move away, and somebody said something about how the reason for this is that it’s so hard to “settle in financially” in San Francisco. Our buddy Sweet T (not pictured) took issue with this, and explains why in the happy little play below. Perhaps you’ll see yourself in one of its protagonists:

The median income of SF households is $81k. SF households; not residents. Which means that if you and your roommate together make around $40k, you’re at the median. Any ambitious, hip young thing out there with a four-year degree and a little ambition can find a “real job” with promotion potential that brings in at least $40k per year. Unfortunately, here’s how it typically plays out:

We open on the El Rio patio, 4:30pm on a Tuesday.

Hip Young Thing: Man, this freelancing gig for the Guardian doesn’t pay shit. I need to make some more money if I’m gonna’ be able to pay me rent.

Less Hip, But Gainfully Employed Young Thing: You have a degree, right? There’s gotta’ be something else out there.

HYT: Naw, there’s nothing in this economy.

LH,BGEYT: Well have you looked?

HYT: No I haven’t looked. There aren’t any jobs to look for.

LH,BGEYT: There are literally thousands of employers in the Bay Area.

HYT: I’m not a computer programmer or whatever. It’s all techster shit.

LH,BGEYT: Not every job at a tech company is filled by an engineer, you know. Places like Zynga or whatever need copywriters and human resources people and all that, too.

HYT: That’s corporate bullshit. I don’t want to work for the man.

LH,BGEYT: Well, what about the state or the city?

HYT: I said I don’t want to work for the man.

LH,BGEYT: I thought corporations were ‘the man.’

HYT: They’re all the same man, man.

LH,BGEYT: I see. What about a non-profit?

HYT: There’s too much competition in this city for that type of work.

LH,BGEYT: Well have you applied to anything?

HYT: No.

LH,BGEYT: What did you do this morning?

HYT: I woke up a little after noon…

LH,BGEYT: …What time?

HYT: Like, 1:30. And then I went and had breakfast with some friends, and bought some new sunglasses. After that, I went home and wrote on my blog for a bit, and then I met you here for a drink.

LH,BGEYT: So, you didn’t spend any time looking for a job that will pay you enough to make your rent?

HYT: There aren’t any fucking jobs that don’t suck.  I just need to move to New York. It’s too expensive here.

LH,BGEYT: Yeah. It definitely is.

…AND SCENE…

["New sunglasses" pic by C'mon Pony]

“A party celebrating all things Mission” Mission United is called. It’s at Public Works this Friday and here are all the details:

The Deals:
- $5 admission between 8-10:30pm with Facebook Event RSVP.
- FREE food samples and drink specials between 8-10pm
- FREE Tequila tasters while they last and $2 shots
- DRINK SPECIALS: $3 special cocktail (till 11pm) and $3 beer (till midnight)

Public Works presents its second 8 hour event celebrating our melting-pot neighborhood, San Francisco’s Mission district. Cherry-picking some of the best in music, performance, art, fashion and food. Mission United brings the sights and sounds of our favorite hood under one roof.

In the main room curated by HARD FRENCH:
- Hard French DJs (Carnita & Brown Amy)
- Afrolicious with live percussionists
- 2 Men Will Move You (Primo & Jordan)
- Tres Lingerie [Live PA]
- Qumbia Qrew playing Queer Qumbia!

In the OddJob Room:
- Lights Down Low DJ’s Sleazemore and Eli Glad
- Marco de la Vega (120 minutes)
- Shovelman
- Jonah and Christa Larrama

Trunk Show & Fashion Installation curated by Archetype Boutique
- Camile Bemer of Kucoon Designs
- Major Babe Alert: a Stay Gold Pop Up Shop
- Dear Mina
- Josie Adele
- Love and Keep
- Mission Statement Sf
- Sea Pony Couture
- Stone Pony Vintage
- Wood Thumb
- Venus Superstar

Tasty Food Selections from:
- Chile Lindo Empanadas
- Good Food Catering
- Taza

PROCEEDS TO BENEFIT MISSION NON-PROFITS:
- SFSmiles & the Homeless Prenantal Program
- Dolores Street Community Services

RSVP and invite your friends here. And if you’d like to win a pair of tickets, in the comments below link us to a picture of you and a buddy in your best “unity”-themed pose. Two winners will be picked based on merit and notified by Thursday at 5PM.

FYI, Primo and Jordan of 2 Men Will Move You have the 1AM-3AM slot, so no matter what you do on Saturday night, you can probably end up here and shut the place down.

Great. First parklets, now hammerhead sharks. I, motorist, am never going to be able to find a parking spot anymore.

(But seriously, sooo much more tuff than those tame little koi.)

[via Marcus]

UPDATE: Timbo in the comments points out that this is just some corporate bullshit. Sorry, everybody. (What? I don’t watch TV, how was I supposed to know?)

How else to explain this targeted arboreal sabotage of the bike lane?  Notice how the street is clear everywhere except where you are supposed to ride your bicycle.  All this kumbaya shit about saving the Earth together be damned–the trees have just been fucking with us this whole time!

Let’s go deforest some Amazon, Critical Mass.

By the way, the Monday special at Pi Bar is slices of Death by Mushroom for $3.14. Death by Mushroom is a mushroom pizza with a Death and Taxes Black Beer sauce. Pair it with a pint of Death and Taxes Black Beer? Delightful.

Plus amusing stuff in the bathroom.

Spotted hundreds of miles away in a completely different part of this state!

Previously:

• I studied ‘upstate’
• About Other Missions
• Anything South of Cesar Chavez is Southern California

In case you didn’t know. (Everyone in the men’s room at Homestead knows.)

“I’m on the boy’s bathroom side, holding up a unicorn hand puppet!”

Surprisingly, this is not the first time someone used unicorns to mark her territory in the park. Remember this one?

If you don’t have a unicorn hand puppet, what the hell is wrong with you? I guess you could always hold one of these into the air, too:

Then I suppose after that you could play beer pong while listening to Bob Marley’s Legend.

Our pal Honey In Yr Brain (not pictured) shares a bittersweet lament about San Francisco:

You can meet the coolest person who you love to slam 40z with AND are capable of sober real talk only to find that they are moving in a week…to New York…or abroad…or just home because they ran out of money. I realize this happens in every city but damn, I have never met so many people just to have them exit my life in like .0023232 seconds. I have heard “All of my friends have moved away so many times in this city” and “Man have you seen _____? He’s super bummed because like….90% of his friends moved away” or “I HATE THIS CITY. IT’S NOT AS GREAT AS IT USED TO BE. ALL THE COOL PEOPLE MOVED”.

It’s true. You hear it all the time. So many bomb people, and then poof they’re gone. Read on.