Mission Mission

Yesterday morning at around 8:45 I was on my way to work, sitting on the back of the 22 Fillmore, when I noticed a kid sitting across the back bench from me acting really weird. I looked over and sized him up to be about a high school freshman, maybe 13, African American, with a backpack next to him, and a bagged tall boy in his hand.

He was moaning loudly and it looked like his head was too heavy to keep above his body. He kept awkwardly shifting himself around, knocking into the walls of the bus. I leaned over to him.

“Hey man, are you okay?” He looked at me, not really able to get his eyes to focus on mine.

“Huh?” “Are you all right?” “Yeah, yeah.” He smiled with his eyes closed. “I’m cool.” I reached over to him “Well, you’re gonna spill your drink, let me get that for you.” “Nah, I got it.” And his head smacked against the bench seat. He quickly jerked himself back up. “Okay, I know you’ve got it, but I’m just saying, me, I wouldn’t mess with that stuff.” “I know . . . it’s just soda.” “Uh huh.” “I’m cool . . . thanks for your concern.” He tried to drink it but was having trouble getting it to meet with his mouth.

From www.drinkfour.com/

I didn’t want to be giving him a lecture or anything, but he was pretty out of it. “Okay, well lemme just get that from you.” “Oh! I think I have to get off here! I gotta get to school. Okay, hold on.” He took a huge gulp and handed it to me. I looked at the can, watermelon flavored 4 Loko. Caffeine, taurine, guarana and the alcohol of 3 beers. “Thanks, man.” He said and stood up to get off the bus, taking one step that took him right down to the floor. “I gotta get off!” He yelled as he crawled to the back door and down the steps. The bus drove away and I looked out the back window. He waved at me and then stumbled off.

I don’t think it takes a lot to prove that colorful, fruity sweet alcopops are marketed to kids. And I know that high school kids do stupid things. I did. But this made me pretty sad. Brown bagging it on the back of the bus early in the morning. He reminded me of a lot of guys I see on the bus every day. I don’t mean young urban professionals trying to look edgy in Luna Park. I mean old homeless people.

What do you suppose might happen if, as has been suggested, popular Mint Plaza boutique ice water purveyor House of Ice Water were to move to open an ice-water cart in Dolores Park?

Previously:

Blue Bottle the Next American Apparel?

I always try to look cool by hanging my paw out the window like that, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work as good as this.

Photo by kinesisfilms.

Missed Connections brings us a cautionary tale of feet and socks and couches at cafes:

Quick etiquette tips to the cafe goer (mission district)

• Do not remove your shoes in a cafe.
• Do not then wind those sweaty-ass feet under you on the couch.
• Especially don’t do that when your fucking socks LOOK LIKE THIS.

Seriously. It’s fucking gross.

Seriously.

Now can we determine which cafe this is so we can all stay the hell off that couch?

Reader Keith B. sent this in saying, “local fixie riders need to practice!” And I wasn’t gonna post it because this video is like a year old or more, but then I watched it.

This video is exponentially more exciting than anything by Macaframa. And their outfits are way better. Watch it now:

But could they do it on hills, in traffic? That would be the pinnacle of human achievement. Now where can I see some bloopers?

I wrote about these guys last year, after I’d heard the sad news that we’d lost their leader. (And I stand by everything I said.) Yesterday, I learned of the existence of this recently uploaded terrible but wonderful video of them rocking the Purple Onion some 17 years ago.

Now go buy their record. It is as real a classic as you’re ever gonna find.

It’s real vintage, handmade-looking, felty. Small though, so you’ve gotta have a pretty small head.

For sale now at Afterlife on Valencia.

Oh, and there’s only one.

Okay, this picture doesn’t do it justice, but what picture possibly could? (Well, Todd Lappin might do a decent job.)

In any case, this dude came barreling down Market Street at top speed on a fully loaded shopping cart, squeaking through the Octavia intersection right as the light turned yellow. How’d he time it just right like that? I can’t even seem to get it right on a bike, with brakes and speeds — and steering!

What an athlete!!

Photo by Zoë Banks.

Previously:

Stuart Murdoch Says, “Go Giants!”

“Go Giants!” in the Parking Lot

“Go Giants!” on BART

Obama Says, “Go Giants!”

Orange you glad we here in the USA take the time to dispose of a dead whale in an orderly and cleanly fashion?

They’re not so diligent in Europe I guess, where Girls Girls Girls spotted this grim tableau.