Mission Mission

Reader J.C. (actual initials) just wrote in with this harrowing tale:

I know, that you know, that I know, that you know about this, but just wanna point out that my favorite Mission event is happening in Dolores Park on Sunday: [Link]

Of course, it only gets interesting after the Easter Egg hunt and the kids go home and the Hunky Jesus Competition starts.

Incidentally, the photo on that page is me, from 2 years ago! I’m still fuming that I lost that competition. I was one of the Final Five Jesuses, and those bitchy Sisters gave the award to some dude who called himself “Old-School Jesus”!

Those fucking Republicans! I shaved my chest hair into a cross (some real, some fake), and called myself “Guido Jesus from the Jersey Shore”. How the hell did I lose?! Even now, 2 years later, who do they post a photo of to promote it on Fun/Cheap? Old School Jesus? -Fuck that false prophet! ME! -That’s who they use! I think it’s like one of those Pulp Fiction things, where everyone knew it was the best picture and would live on in our consciousnesses for decades, yet Forrest fucking Gump wins the Oscar. That year’s result was the biggest social injustice since Christ was actually crucified 2000 years ago.

Anyway… I’m not competing this year (too many emotional scars), but I will be there, imparting all my sagely wisdom onto a close friend who is competing (kinda like when Apollo Creed started to manage Rocky in Rocky 3). My buddy assures me he’s a shoo-in for the top prize, but I tell him I once was that confident myself, and he should be prepared for disappointment.

Thanks for sharing, J.C., and God bless.

Photo by SanFranAnnie.

2 Responses to “Guido Jesus from the Jersey Shore Speaks!”

1. Plug1 says:

   April 10, 2009 at 11:16 am

   JC is a loser, a user, and an abuser. Plus, he stole my TV!
2. Aaron Mayfield-Sunshine says:

   April 10, 2009 at 1:19 pm

   people need to stop putting jesus in a diaper.