Reader Bryan Haggerty says, “Thought you guys might appreciate this apartment listing on craigslist.” We’re printing the full text in case it gets flagged, despite its being REAL:
$1000 Room 4 Rent in San Francisco’s Mission District (mission district)
Hellooooo there! We are three of the most super duper coolest people in the world looking for a reallllyyy cool roomate to stay at our house on 17th and Valencia St. in San Francisco.
The room is approximately 10 x 10 feet. Hardwood floors throughout the home with an incredible view of the street action on 16th and Mission BART.
A little about us…
Dexter is a super cool 28 year old dude. He wears black square framed glasses. A bike messenger, he is utterly sure of himself that the right thing to do in a city like San Francisco where the citizens and workers are overwhelmingly for more biker paths and public transportation is to protest in the streets against them. He works 24 hours a week and then hangs out at Zeitgeist because it’s a “Biker Bar,” and spends the rest of his time updating his myspace page and posting threads about “Loose Change” on message boards. The son of two lawyers, he has a fierce commitment to social justice. He believes it is the governments job to send every African American and Latino Child to school although he chooses not to go himself. He knows the plight of black people because at 8 years old, he went to school with a black kid named Trevor in Marin.
Janis is a 32 year old ballet teacher. She wears black framed glasses. A ballet teacher, she was always warned by her parents that teaching ballet would be a great part time job and hobby as opposed to one of those jobs you can do from home but chose the independent road and did so anyways. Her friends told her it was admirable but she needed real income to stick with it in a city like San Francisco. Luckily, she only needs to teach ballet for 12 hours a week because she moved into our apartment 14 years ago and is covered by rent control. What she is not able to cover, her architect father pays for. Her mother dissapeared several years ago but occasionally paints pictures by covering her body with paint and flying across a zipline like that chick in The Big Lebowski.
I, Ronald, am a 29 year old caucasian member of MECHA. I volunteer with the organizaion to give a one sided, completely biased story about why California should be a part of Mexico. When I ask Mexican immigrants wheter California should be part of the US or Mexico they overwhelmingly say the US. This is my inspiration to teach them differently. I wear black framed glasses. I have two tattoos on my back with Chinese characters. I recently learned one artist changed the Chinese character “Strength” to “Fuck You Stupid Whiteboy” when he tattoed me but I suppose it was a learning experience. My dad is a police officer. He arrests people who kill people and sell drugs to kids. While this may sound good, they are overwhelmingly minority, and therefore he is just a racist pig who is part of the system. My mother makes six figures as a hairstylist but I’m upset she’s so stupid she would cramp her mind to that.On my spare time I enjoy listening to Cold Play because it makes me think about killing myself and drawing flowers with sidewalk chalk to remind my neighbors what a beautiful life it is in a neighborhood where people are killed on a weekly basis and transients like myself stay inside my home and dont help any of the young kids who need it.
Collectively, you must know: we are vegetarian. Eating meat is completely immoral, no matter how delicious. Except fish. And eggs. And carne asada burritos. We enjoy sports, but not baseball, football, or basketball. Soccer is okay. Or something more European. You must be liberal to live here. You must be completely open and in agreement to our point of view. If you drive a car forget it. Cars are evil. It doesnt matter if you have family in the East Bay and work in San Jose, its completely unacceptable if you think you actually have to commute to work. You should listen to Jack Johnson too.
Rent is $1,000 dollars cause we are super cool.Forward us your myspace so we can judge you. As you can see we are pretty normal, excepting,down to Earth people, and if you arent the same you should move somewhere else.
Thanks.
Oh yea dont flag THIS IS REAL.
Is it? Link, or click thumbnail above for screenshot. Thanks, Bryan!
 Hellooooo there! We are three of the most super duper coolest people in the world looking […]</p>
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Of course it’s not real. These three would never listen to Jack Johnson. Or “Cold Play,” whatever that is.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: hipster trolling is played.
my favorite part is that they’re “excepting”.
“I recently learned one artist changed the Chinese character ‘Strength’ to ‘Fuck You Stupid Whiteboy’ when he tattoed me but I suppose it was a learning experience.”
hee!
The line about “an incredible view of the street action on 16th and Mission BART” is actually funny. The rest of it reads like a primer on how to try to hard when writing parody.
dang, thats more expensive than pac heights for 4 people…
I wear black framed eye glasses…………
oh shit………
Besides the fact that hating on ‘hipsters’ is beyond cliche, this isn’t even a good example of it…
I thought we, as society, agreed in 2003 that the only legitimate form of mockery and lambasting was to come from inside the counter-culture and recent apostates. With (gag) web 2.0, anyone can post anything on the internet– why not leave it up to the people who actually know about the issue to mock it…?
I didn’t know hipsters were an “issue”
hating hipsters in not cliche. it’s the proper and correct thing to do.
Wait a second…hating hipsters AND black framed glasses are cliche?? Shit. I totally need to reevaluate my life.
^ “i totally need to reevaluate my life”
A four bedroom rent controlled apt that “Janis” rented 14 years ago, would never have an equally portioned rent for 1 10X10 bedroom going for $1000, especially at 16th and Mission. Even in 1994 that apt would have never rented at $4000. So, these quacks claiming to be passionate about social justice are trying to bilk a fellow carne-asada-burrito-eating-vegetarian non-automobileophile out of some cash. Why can’t people just be real? I’d move in and get these bitches kicked out using the Tenant’s board in SF.
Again, “Cold Play”? Jack Johnson?
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Black, square-framed glasses look absolutely ridiculous! Always have….always will. The only thing worse is a fixed-gear bicycle.